Author: admin

Help in the restroom

Posted on by admin

A man walks into a public men’s room, His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart.

He approaches another man and asks, ‘Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?’

The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man’s pants.

Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants.

‘Oh, I can take care of that.’ the first man says, blowing on his fingers. ‘I think my nails are dry now.’

Skyscraper

Posted on by admin

There was this guy and he lived on the 52 level of a skyscraper, and
worked on the 3 floor. When he goes to work he uses the elevator, however;
when he come back up to his apartment he uses the elevator to the 36 floor
and then has to walk on the stairs for rest of the way unless there is
somebody else in the elevator.

Why does he need to walk the rest of the way, if there is nobody in the
elevator?

Because he’s a midget and he can’t reach the button for 52 floor.

What if Women Ruled the World?

Posted on by admin

Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams. PMS would be a legitimate defense in court. Men would get reputations for sleeping around. Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.A man would no longer be considered a ”good catch” simply because he is breathingFewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity. ”Ms.” Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.Little girls would read ”Snow White and the Seven Hunks” Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made. Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.Men would learn phrases like: ”I’m sorry”, ”I love you”, ”You’re beautiful”, ”Of course you don’t look fat in that outfit.”Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking. Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car. All toilet seats would be nailed down. Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute. All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds.Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.Missles would have a different look to them

Grieving Blonde

Posted on by admin

There was a blonde that lived next to a brunette. One day, the blonde was crying so the brunette went over and asked what was wrong. The blonde said, “My mom just died.” So the brunette comforted her all day.

The next day the blonde was crying again, so the brunette went over and asked, “Whats wrong now” the blonde said “My sister just called… Her mom died too.”

Home cooked meal

Posted on by admin

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card, invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later.

His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.

“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.

“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook …”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking…

Posted on by admin

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he
said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she has
everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so
I’m stumped.” His buddy said, “I have an idea – why don’t you make up
a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she
wants it – she’ll probably be thrilled.” So the fellow did. The next
day his buddy said, “Well? Did you take my suggestion?”
“Yes, I did,” said the fellow. “Did she like it?” His buddy asked.
“Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran
out the door, yelling “I’ll be back in an hour!!”