Col. Sanders

Col. Sanders goes up to the pope and says to him, “Hey, could
you change the lord’s prayer from ‘give us this day, our daily
bread’ to ‘give us this day, our daily chicken’?” The pope says
“What are you talking about? I’m not going to do that!” So Col.
Sanders leaves.

The next day Col. Sanders comes back to the pope and says
“Ok, I’ll give you $100 if you change the lord’s prayer from
‘give us this day, our daily bread’ to ‘give us this day, our
daily chicken’. What do ya say?” “No way! For the last time, I’m
not going to change it!” So once again Col. Sanders leaves.

The next day Col. Sanders comes back and says to the pope,
“Alright, I will give you $1,000,000 if you change the lord’s
prayer from ‘give us this day, our daily bread’ to ‘ give us
this day, our daily chicken’!” So the pope says, “Well, for
$1,000,000 I guess…alright, I’ll change it.”

The pope goes to his bishops and says “I have good news and I
have bad news. The good news is, we just got $1,000,000. The bad
news is, we lost the wonder bread account.”

Redneck quickies 24

You might be a redneck if…You’ve ever hitchhiked naked,You’re turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer. You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle. Your bumper sticker says, “My other car is a combine.” The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot. The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog. You take a fishing pole to Sea World. The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car. You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course. You’ve ever shot somebody over a mall parking space. Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. You think mud rasslin’ should be an Olympic sport. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. You list your parole officer as a reference. There are more fish on your wall than pictures. Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.