A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, “Do you have enough room up there for a Pizza and a six pack of Beer?”The cabbie says, “Sure.” So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.
Author: admin
Changed name
Did you know that Lorena Bobbitt moved to Russia and changed her name?
She now goes by the name of Ivana Cutchacokov.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the
Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says — “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”, how can that be possible?
In sydney when
You know you’re in Sydney, Australia, when…
� Your co-worker tells you they have eight body piercings but none are visible.
� You earn over $100,000 and still can’t afford a house.
� You never bother looking at the bus timetable because you know the drivers have never seen it.
� You can’t remember… is dope illegal?
� You’ve been to more than one baby shower (wetting the baby’s head) that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
� You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
� A great parking space can move you to tears.
� Your child’s Year Three teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named Breeze. And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.
� You get used to signs at zebra crossings that say, ‘Pedestrians give way to traffic’.
� You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can’t decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or a ‘building your own website’ class.
� You get used to the fact that drivers have never heard of the road code and start running red lights, not bothering to indicate lane changes and never, ever, giving way to anyone else – especially if the other has the right of way.
� A man walks down the main street in full leather regalia and crotchless pants. Nobody takes any notice.
� You keep a list of companies to boycott.
� Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay and your Avon lady is a guy in drag.
George W. Bush Meets Moses
George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and “Excuse me sir, aren’t you Moses?”
The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing. Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, “Excuse me sir, aren’t you Moses?” Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word. George W. tried a third time, louder yet. “Excuse me sir, aren’t you Moses?” Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.
One of George W’s aides asked him if there was a problem, and George W. said, “Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet.” To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied to the aide, “I can hear him and yes, I am Moses, but the last time I spoke to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness.”
Girl wants Santa
One Christmas Eve a there was this girl who wanted to see Santa
really bad. So she stayed up all night till Santa came. Finally
she hears something on the roof. Then all of a sudden Santa came
down the chimney. Ge puts all the presents under the tree and is
about to leave when the girl comes out of her room. Santa looks
at the girl and she is dressed in only a robe. The girl says to
Santa,” please stay santa.”
Santa replies,” ho ho ho gotta go gotta go, gotta get the
presents to the children you know.”
So the girl takes of her robe and now only has on her red bra
and panties, and says,”Santa please stay.”
And again Santa replies,”ho ho ho gotta go gotta go, gotta get
the presents to the children you know.”
So the girl takes her bra off and says to santa,”please stay
Santa.”
But again Santa replies,”ho ho ho gotta go gotta go, gotta get
the presents to the children you know.”
Then the girl takes off her panties and says,”Santa please stay.”
Then santa replies,”ho ho ho gotta stay gotta stay, cant get up
the chimney with my penis this way.”
Coaching women’s tennis
Last spring, a friend of mine was watching a segment on television about women
tennis players being groped by their coaches.
After hearing that, my friend began to think that maybe he should start
coaching women’s tennis.
Oh sure, he knows nothing about coaching tennis, but I bet that he could feel
his way through it.
Ass Stretcher
A woman is speeding to work because she is late.
A trooper pulls her over for speeding,and says where are you off to in such a hurry?
She says im late for work.
The officer replys what do you do?
She says im an ass stretcher.
He says whats that?
Im an ass stretcher.
Again he says whats that?
She says im an ass stretcher.
Oh what do you do he replied,she says i stretch assholes, i take an asshole and i stretch it for a while and then i work it out to about 6 feet tall, the cop replied what would u do with a 6 foot asshole, says give him a gun and a night stick.
When throwing rocks at seabirds,
When throwing rocks at seabirds, leave no tern unstoned.
When painting baboons, leave no stern untoned.
Q: How many Union
Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Eight. One to change the bulb, three to watch him work, one to supervise, one to make the tea, and two to phone in to say that they can’t make it in to work today.
Grandma Gotta Gun
An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, “I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !”
The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5′ tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
Chicken underwear
Why don’t chickens ever wear underwear?Because their peckers are on their heads!