Why do Jewish Women go for circumcised men?
Because they can’t refuse anything with 10% off.
Author: admin
Poor Choice of Words
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, it was like this,” said the man, “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball–stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?” asks the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!'”
Poor Bus Driver
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
Fool
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
She replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Reviewed by Tantilazing
Installing XP.
Microsoft:
YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?
Yes.
ARE YOU REALLY SURE?
Yes.
ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE?
*****yes!******
OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE’RE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE “ANTI-TRUST” NONSENSE. INGRATE.
Just get on with it.
ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP. FIRST WE NEED TO CHECK YOUR SYSTEM FOR COMPATIBILITY. THIS COULD TAKE SEVERAL DAYS.
Groan.
THE INSTALL PROGRAM HAS DETECTED SEVERAL POSSIBLE PROBLEMS AND WILL NOT LET YOU INSTALL XP.
Problems? What problems?
THE VIDEO CARD YOU ARE USING APPARENTLY DOES NOT WORK WITH THE MOTHERBOARD.
But I’m using it at this very moment.
THAT IS IRRELEVANT.
But if the video card isn’t working with the mother board then I can’t very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn’t…
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A MICROSOFT PRODUCT. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME. I HAVE ALSO FOUND THE FOLLOWING MINOR ERRORS: WINDOWS XP IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH THE FOLLOWING HARDWARE – MONITOR, KEYBOARD, MEMORY CHIPS, MOTHERBOARD BIOS, WEB CAM, SCANNER, SOUND CARD, USB CONTROLLER, CD/R DRIVE, MICROPHONE, AND FLIGHT STICK.
All that?
YES. AND THE HARD DRIVE IS RIGHT OUT TOO. WE DON’T LIKE THE MANUFACTURER.
Well what *DOES* work?
THE MOUSE.
The mouse?
YES. AND THE 5 1/4 DRIVE.
I don’t have a 5 1/4 drive.
YES YOU DO.
No I don’t.
WHAT’S THAT THEN?
It’s a 3 1/2 drive.
NO IT ISN’T.
Yes it is.
YOU’RE NOT THAT SMART YOU KNOW.
Look, can you just install XP on my system and I’ll download the latest drivers for everything later? Please?
WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN *YOUR* SYSTEM?
Well it is mine.
NO IT ISN’T.
It bloody well is.
NUH-UH. YOU SIGNED THE AGREEMENT WHEN YOU OPENED THE BOX. OUR SYSTEM. IT’S OURS. AND YOU CAN ONLY DO 4 CHANGES BEFORE YOU HAVE TO PAY US MORE MONEY.
But why?
BECAUSE THAT’S HOW THE LICENSE WORKS, IDJIT. WE CAN’T VERY WELL HAVE PEOPLE PUTTING HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE ON THEIR SYSTEMS ALL HIGGLEDY PIGGLEDY, NOW COULD WE? YOU USERS WOULD MUCK EVERYTHING UP, AND THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE? I’LL TELL YOU WHERE, NOWHERE. THAT’S WHERE. I… HEY, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT A DISK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DISK? YOU’RE NOT PUTTING IT IN THE DRIVE ARE YOU? YOU ARE! WHAT’S ON THAT DISK? IS THAT DOS? YOU’RE INSTALLING DOS?? WHY WOULD YOU INSTALL DOS WHEN I AM INFINITELY MORE POWE……….
C:>
Circumsize
How do you circumsize a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw!!!!!
Fast food
food
ur suck a redneck u think fast food is hiting a deer at 65mph
You Might Be A Redneck…Thesaurus
You might be a redneck if you think a thesaurus is a dinosaur!
How to win at wrestling
Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, ‘Now don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this pretzel hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!’ The wrestler nodded in agreement. The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the ending. Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, ‘How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!’ The wrestler answered, ‘Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. ‘I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could; and you would be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!’
Blonde computer joke
Q. How do you know if a blonde used your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
yo mamma jokes
yo mammas so poor she went into a kentucky fried chicken to lick
other peoples fingers
yo mammas so skanky that when she went to texis they said “ho
down” and she ducked
yo mammas like a squrile , shes always got nuts in her mouth
yo mammas got more chins than a chinese phone book
yo mamas so stupid you can tell if shes been on the computer
cause theres white out all over the screen
yo mammas like a hardware store ten cents a screw
yo mamas got so many missing teeth it looks like her tounge is
in jail
Mother’s advice
A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea.
The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her.
Mom: So…. now that you’ve started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with young men?
Daughter: Oh you know how it is, boys are always insensitive and never care if intimacy isn’t working for me.
Mom: How?
Daughter: Oh, stuff….
Mom: Really now, you can trust me. I think that it’s important for mothers and daughters to talk about these matters…
Daughter: I don’t know…..
Mom: Now don’t forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what dating boys was like for me, believe me, I remember.
Daughter: Really?
Mom: Really…
Daughter: Ok, for starters, how did you get their cum out of your hair?
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci