Author: admin

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.”How was work, dear?” his wife asks.”Listen! I don’t want to talk about work!” he shouts.”Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?” she asks nicely.”Listen!” he shouts again.”I’m not hungry! I don’t wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?”At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, “Well, I guess it’s that time of the month.”

Item in Berwickshire Gazette – November 11th 1998A report has revealed that two traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident whilst checking for speeding motorists on the A1 road between Oldhamstocks and Grantshouse.Last May, they were using a hand-held radar device to trap unwary motorists on the Edinburgh to London trunk road. One of the unnamed officers used the device to check the speed of an approaching vehicle, and was surprised to find that his target had registered a speed in excess of 300 miles per hour.The #5000 machine then seized up and could not be reset by the bemused PC’s. The radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado aircraft in the North Sea, which was taking part in a simulated low-flying exercise over the Borders and Southern Scotland.Following a complaint by Sir William Sutherland, Chief Constable of the Lothian & Borders Police force to the RAF liaison office, it was revealed that the officers had a lucky escape – the tactical computer on board the aircraft not only detected and jammed the “hostile” radar equipment, but had automatically armed a Maverick air-to-ground missile ready to neutralise the perceived threat. Luckily the Dutch pilot was alerted to the missile status and was able to override the automatic protection system before the missile launched.

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. Approaching the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying “NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.

Sipping his beer, the truck driver watches as a skinny guy walks in complete with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now.

“You don’t even need a license,” he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.

They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.”

“Well, sure,” said the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ’em.”

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and did’nt want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and did’nt want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn’t work and he was free.Next it was the Newfoundlanders turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said “I’m afraid of needles, the electric chair won’t work so you’re going to have to hang me”.