Author: admin

Genie bottle

Posted on by admin

A guy is walking along the beach and he stumbles on a Genie Bottle.
He rubs it and out pop two Genies. He makes three wishes. When he gets home, he hears a knock on the door and outside there are 20 beautiful naked women. Walking back inside he sees a briefcase sitting on his coffee table. Opening it he see $20 million dollars.

“Wow, my first two wishes have come true!” he yells.

He gets ready to do his thing with the women when he hears another knock on the door. When he opens the door there are two Ku Klux Klan guys.

First, they beat the him up, then they tar and feather him. Next, they take him out back and lynch him. When the KKK guys are sure he is dead, they take their hoods off to reveal the two Genies!

The first Genie turns to the second and says, “You know, I can understand his first two wishes but why would he want to be hung like a black man?”

My Little Leprechaun

Posted on by admin

Johnny who didn’t like use the school’s bathroom so he went
behind the school in the bushes. One day a couple of his friends
were coming near him so Johnny quickly wiped his butt with his
hands. His friends asked, “What’s in your hand Johnny?” “My
little leprechaun.” “No, seriously what’s in your hand Johnny?”
“My little leprechaun.” Then his friends got mad and said, “If
you don’t tell us what’s in your hand then we’ll tell the
teacher.” He replied, “My little leprechaun.” So he was sent to
his teacher

His teacher asked him the same question, “What’s in your hand
Johnny?” But all he said, “My little leprechaun.” So she got mad
with him and took him straight down to the principal’s office.

The principal asked him, “So, Johnny, What’s in your hand?” “My
little leprechaun.” “Johnny, please tell us what’s in your
hand.” “My little leprechaun.” “Johnny, if you don’t tell me
what’s in your hand then I’m going to spank you!” Johnny replied
with a simple, “My little leprechaun.” So the principal spanked
him and shit went flying every where. Johnny said to the
principal, “Look what you did! You scared the shit out of my
little leprechaun!”

The Top 9 Signs Your Roommate Is A Cannibal

Posted on by admin

9> You often wake up to find your hand in a pot of warm water — with potatoes and carrots.

8> Always clipping those “Flabby White Guy Helper” coupons.

7> All the empty McDonner’s containers he leaves around the apartment.

6> Maybe he said “head of lettuce” when you asked about what was wrapped up the refrigerator, but it sure sounded like “head of Cleatus.”

5> Every day, the same routine — he comes home from med school and lets loose a big, loud, formaldehyde-smelling burp.

4> Nervously changes the channel whenever “Cannibals Caught on Tape” comes on.

3> The tubby kid from across the hall is missing; she’s trying to decide which windows to click down on her Richard Simmons Food Planner.

2> Well, *you* sure didn’t buy that box of BitchQuick in the cupboard.

1> When you ask what he wants on the pizza, he always says, “Ask if they have buttocks.”

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List ]

Cheaters

Posted on by admin

Three men are sitting at a bar and each admits that he thinks his wife is cheating on him.

“I found a hammer and a tool belt under my bed yesterday,” the first man says. “I think my wife is sleeping with a carpenter.”

“Well, I found a medical bag under my bed yesterday,” the second man admits. “I think my wife is sleeping with a doctor.”

“That’s nothing,” the third man says. “When I came home yesterday, I found a cowboy under my bed.I think my wife is screwing a horse.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Send My Bill To the Family

Posted on by admin

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary
surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained
consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by
his bed.

“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting
his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your
stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”

“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.

“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun essayed.

“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble
spinster nun.”

“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters’; they are
married to God.”

“Wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my
brother-in-law.”

Naked black men

Posted on by admin

An exquisite painting entitled “Home for Lunch” was on display in a Pennsylvania art gallery.

It depicted three naked, very black men sitting on a park bench.

What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.

Two women were staring at the painting, trying to figure it out. The artist noticed their confusion.

The artist asked, “Can I help you with this painting?”

One woman replied, “We were curious about the painting of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?”

“I’m afraid you’ve misinterpreted the painting,” the artist explained. “The three men are not African-Americans. They are Pennsylvania coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went ‘Home for Lunch.’ ”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

A week of bad days (almost)

Posted on by admin

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his walkman.5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all 2000 of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ‘return to sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb he opened it and was blown to bits.

This guy decides he’s going

Posted on by admin

This guy decides he’s going to play a little joke on his wife one
day. As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her breasts and
says, “If you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn’t have to keep using
your bra.” He laughs and laughs.
The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her shower and
grabs her ass and says “If you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn’t
have to keep using your girdle.” Again he laughs and laughs, while
his wife plots her revenge.

The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife grabbed his
penis and says, “If you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn’t need to keep
sleeping with your brother.”