Definitely Too Much Sun

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he
sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.”

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.”

The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba
gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had
a cigarette?”

“Ten years!” he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her
left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it,
takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”
He replies, “Ten years!” She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her
right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and
says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her
wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some
REAL fun?”

And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in
there!”

Chapped lips

A dusty cowboy rides up to the saloon on his horse, gets off and ties it to the hitching post, then slaps the dust off his jacket and chaps. He walks around to the back of the horse, puckers up his lips and kisses the horse directly on the asshole. He then walks into the saloon, walks up to the bar and says to the bartender “Whiskey!”The bartender pours him a glass of whiskey and says to the cowpoke “Say there pardner, I noticed when you got off your horse you went behind it and kissed it right on the asshole. Why’d you do that?”The cowpoke replies “Chapped lips.””Chapped lips?” asks the bartender, “Is that a cure for chapped lips?” “No” says the cowpoke, “but it sure’s hell stops you from lickin’ ’em.”

The Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans

1. BadAir: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you.2. BadAir: We’re Amtrak with wings. 3. Join our frequent near-miss program. 4. On certain flights, every section is a smoking section. 5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. 6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin. 7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don’t worry. We’ll turn them off. 8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall. 9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you. 10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.11. If you think it’s so easy, get your own plane! 12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes? 13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose. 14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street. 15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us. 16. Bring a bathing suit. 17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view. 18. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots. 19. Fly BadAir and enjoy a free two-week hospital stay on us.20. BadAir: A real man lands where he wants to.

Kid reading bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree. The leaf had been pressed in between pages. “Momma, look what I found”, the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered: “It’s Adam’s suit!!!!!”