Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Author: admin
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.3. Twitch a lot.
Information travels more surely to
Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.
Smart Bull
Once ther was an insurance saleman from the city going out to the farm community to sell insurance to the farmers. He was way out in the country when he had engine trouble. Not knowing anything about cars he gets out and looks under the hood anyway.
All of a sudden he hears a voice that says ” Its the carborator ”
The insurance man jumps , and looks around, seeing no one . He then looks under the hood again hoping it is something visible that he could fix himself, when he hears the voice again ” Its the carborator ”
The man jumps again and turns around only seeing a large Brahma bull behind him. Scared out of his wits he takes off running to the nearest farm house he can see.
He knocks on the door, the farmer answers, the man immediately goes into his speal about the bull.
The farmer scratches his head and says ” Does he have one straight ear and one floppy ear? ”
The man nods “Yes, Yes “.
The farmer laughs and says ” Don’t worry about him he doesn’t know as much about cars as he thinks he does”
Thunder Storm
One night there was a loud thunder storm.
As a young boy was being tucked into bed by his mother he asked, Mummy will you sleep in with me?
Giving him a reassuring hug she said,I cant I have to sleep in Daddys room.
After a long moment of silence he muffeled under his breath,
The Big hissy
Another Naked Lady
A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die. “What do you want for your first wish?” asks the chief.
“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. He goes over to his horse and whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. “What do you want for your second wish?” says the chief.
“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy “What do you want for your last wish?”
“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells, “You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!!!!”
Dating children.
Q. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A. Dating children.
Making skittles
yo moma is so fat when she sits on a rainbow she makes skittles
A Speech Problem
There was once a boy with a speech problem who had loved doing chores for his mother. One day his mother had sent him to town with a list of chores to do for her. His mother made sure to call all the stores that her son would go to so that they would know what he would want.
First, the boy set out to the hardware store and asked the clerk for a fuckit
The clerk said, Yes, your mother called you want a bucket!
Then, the boy went to the local bakery and asked the clerk for a bum
The clerk said, That’s right your mother called and you want a bun!
Then, the boy set out for his treat. He went to the local pet shop and asked the clerk for a cockand spankit
The clerk said, Oh yeah, your mother called and you want a cocker spaniel!
The boy left the pet shop with the bucket and bun in one hand and the cocker spaniel in the other. The cocker spaniel wiggled until he got loose and ran away.
The boy say an old woman who was walking by and asked her, Can you hold my bum and fuckit while I go catch my cockand spankit?
How do you…
Q:How do you drown a blonde?
A:Place a scratch-n-sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.
How to Cure a Headache
A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After
trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family
doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.
“I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and….”
He is interrupted by the doctor, “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left
ear”.
“Yes! Exactly! How did you know?”
“Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself
suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a
tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my
wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her
strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every
day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes”.
Two weeks go by and the man is back, “Well, how do you
feel?”
“Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started
this treatment! I can’t thank you enough.And, by the way you have a lovely
home.”
Q: How many Liberal
Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. “Well it’s not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of…(blah blah waffle)”