The Perfect Man (A Poem)

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He’ll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He’s a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is gay.

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Editted by Curtis

Grandpa

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his Grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma’s idea.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

How much

Teacher in class:
– How much is that, 2 times 2? Lena?
– 3.
– Wrong. Seryozha?
– 5.
– Wrong. Vovochka?
Vovochka meanwhile has been thinking: “Drat it, I lost 50 bucks yesterday
night in poker… Masha from 3rd grade says she is pregnant… That Lyonya from
4th grade is trying to pick up my girlfriend…Got to beat out of him this
week… What, Anna Sergeevna, 2×2? 4! I wish I had your problems!”

Interesting….

To celebrate their 50th anniversary a couple booked a weekend at Pebble Beach golf resort. On the third tee, the husband said:

‘Honey, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can forgive me.

The wife was hurt but said, ‘My dearest, those days are long gone. What we have is far more valuable. I forgive you.’ They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband: ‘Honey, since we’re being honest I have something to tell you. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change. I was a man before we met.

The husband went into a fit! He cursed, threw his driver into the water, broke his clubs one by one and tore at his clothes as he screamed and ranted. ‘You liar, you despicable liar! How could you? I trusted you! And to think that you’ve been hitting off the red tees all this time!’

Death

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”

To which the blonde replies… “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”

The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl. “Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy just take the day off to relax and
rest.”

The blonde very calmly states…”No.. I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.”

The boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual… “If you need anything just let me know.”

Well… a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde…he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!!!!

He rushes out to her asking, “What’s so bad now… are you gonna be okay??”

“No…” exclaims the blonde, “I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!!”