These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.Stud Tires Out Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Author: admin
An attractive woman
An attractive woman was leaving the White House after completing an
appointment. She walked the length of the hall to the elevator, where she
pressed the button.When the elevator arrived, the doors opened revealing
President Clinton standing inside next to the row of floor buttons. He smiled,
looked at the woman, and said, “Are you going down?”
The woman replied, ” No, I don’t work here.”
Cab Driver Incident
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said he didn’t realize that a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”
Hit Television Shows in Iraq
Hit Television Shows in Iraq:
“Husseinfeld”
“Mad About Everything”
“U.S. Military Secrets Revealed”
“Suddenly Sanctions”
“Allah McBeal”
“Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest”
“Matima Loves Chachi”
“The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show”
“Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs”
“Wheel of Fortune and Terror”
“Iraq’s Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers”
“Achmed’s Creek”
“The Price is Right If Saddam Says It’s Right”
M*U*S*T*A*S*H
“Veronica’s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses”
“Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque”
“When Kurds Attack”
“Just Shoot Me”
“My Two Baghdads”
“Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things”
“Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah”
“Totally Clothed Baywatch”
Dios crea a Ad�n y
Dios crea a Ad�n y a Eva y, cuando ya se iba, se da cuenta que en su Bolsa de Dones le quedaban todav�a dos por otorgarles. Entonces se regresa y les informa:
“Hijos, me han quedado dos dones por otorgarles. El primero es poder orinar parado, �qui�n lo quiere?”
Ad�n, queriendo tomar ventaja (como siempre), levanta la mano exclamando:
“�Yo, yo, por favor! As� es mejor, podr�a hacer donde yo quiera, hacer espumita, concursos para ver qui�n lo llega m�s lejos. �Est� buen�simo! �Por favor, d�melo a m�!”
“Est� bien, hijo, c�lmate… �Concedido!”
Y Eva, sumisa y comprensiva (como siempre), se queda esperando el segundo con tal que Ad�n sea feliz.
Entonces, el Creador exclama:
“Y el segundo don es… �Tener orgasmos m�ltiples!”
Untitled joke
How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.
Kramer’s Law: You can
Kramer’s Law: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
dog man
One day this man came from home very hungry. there was nothing
to eat but one can in the cupboard that had no label on it. he
said what the hell so he opened the can and started to eat it.
when the mans wife came home she saw him eating the can of food.
she said honey do you know that is dog food. he said no but it
is damn good go get some more. the man started eating the dog
food everyday. the woman being afraid it would hurt him went to
the doctor and asked the doctor if it wopuld hurt him. the
doctor said there were no chemicals in it that would hurt him so
she went home. then shje got to thinking and wanted to get
second opinion so she went to the minister of the church she
attended. the minister told her that the dog food would be the
death of the man.. she tried to get her husband to stop eating
the food. about two months later the man died and the doctor the
minister and the wife were talking. the doctor says i am sorry.
i thought for sure the food wouldnt kill him. the minister said
see i was right the food would kill him. she said no it wasnt
the food he was in the driveway licking his nuts and i ran him
over with the car.
The 5 Kinds of Sex
1. The first kind is smurf sex. This happens during the
honeymoon period: you both keep doing it until you’re blue in
the face.
2. The second kind is kitchen sex. This at the begining of the
marriage; you’ll have anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3. The third kind is bedroom sex. You’ve calmed down a bit,
perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bed room.
4. The fourth kind is hallway sex. This is the phase where you
pass each other in the hallway an say, “Fuck you!”
5. The fifth kind of sex: courtroom sex. This is when you get
divorced and your wife or husband screws you in front of
everyone in the courtroom.
Michael Jackson joke
What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common ?
Answer : One is white and harmful to children, and the other is a plastic bag.
Manol�n acompa�ado de su amigo
Manol�n acompa�ado de su amigo le pregunta a Manolo, su padre:
“Pap�, �podemos ir a jugar al bosque?”
“S�, pero si se pierden regresen inmediatamente a casa”.
Orange
Why did the orange go to Yukon?
Beacause Florida was too hot and had a hurricane!