If Men and Women Swapped Genitals…

Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for
a day:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing
time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it
recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

And, the number one thing men would do if they woke up with a
vagina:

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Top ten things women would do if they woke up and had a penis
for a day:

10. Get ahead faster in the corporate world.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine why you can’t hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging
orgasm.
4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how
improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as
funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction
which occurs between a man’s eye and the ruler situated next
to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final
measurement.

And the number one thing women would do if they woke up with a
penis…

1. Repeat number 9.

Answer

In a Local school one day, the Mathematics teacher got in and told the class that they will be dealing Addition and Subtraction. After teaching he asked a student John Bull how much will be remaining if he had 100 Dollars and the teacher himself removed 20 Dollars but the student was smiling and the next thing he was doing was to nodd his head and opened up and told the teacher that HE CAN NEVER TRY THAT THAT IF HE TRYS IT HE WILL MAKE SURE HE BEATS HIM UP!

Save me

A guy and his fiance-to-be are in the zoo. Suddenly a big hairy orangutan
breaks loose from his cage and runs toward the couple. The guy flees and climbs
on the nearby tree. The girl is pleading to him:
– Save me! He is going to rape me!
– Now you tell *him*, today you don’t want to, today you are on your
period…

1 Dumb Guy

3 guys were stuck on an island. One day, one of the guys found a very old bottle. As he opened the bottle, out popped a genie who granted each of the guys 1 wish.
The first guy wished he could go home to his family. Poof, his wish came true and he was back with his family. The second guy wished the same thing, that he could go home to his family. Poof, the second guy was home with his family.

The third guy wasn’t exactly smart. He looked around the island, feeling kind of lonely. He looked at the genie and said “I wish my 2 friends were back on the island again with me.”

The Top 12 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets

1.Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

2.Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

3.I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

4.Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

5.Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

6.Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7.Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on ‘roids, or they’ll flush my ass.

8.Always scoot before licking.

9.Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

10.Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

11.January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!

January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

12.I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.