Try telling a blonde to put M&Ms in alphabetical order. I’ll bet you she’ll try! I’ve done it!
Author: admin
Yo mamma is….
Yo Mama is so stupid the first time she used a vibrater she cracked her 2 front teeth
Dogs Take Their Licks
Why do dogs lick themselves?
Because they can.
Don’t hit me hard
A man walks into a bar and sits down.
He orders a drink and sees a monkey sitting on top of the bar.
He calls over the bartender and says, “Do you mind getting that filthy beast off the bar so I can enjoy my drink?”
The bartender says, “This monkey can do tricks.”
The patron says, “What kind of tricks can that filthy animal do?”
He said, “I take this bat and hit the monkey on the head and he will do a back flip, unzip my pants and give me a blow job.”
The patron said, “Yeah right, lets see.”
The bartender hits the monkey on the head, he does a back flip and unzips the bartenders pants and gives him a blowjob.
The patron said, “WOW, that�s amazing.”
The bartender said, “Do you want to give it a try?”
The patron said, “YEAH, but don�t him me on the head that hard.”
Submitted by fairytales64
Edited by Curtis
Moral Dilemma?
A lawyer was helping a poor old widow settle her husband’s estate. Upon completion of the job, he charged her $100.00. She opened her purse, and took out one of the few remaining contents – a one hundred dollar bill. After he left the attorney discovered that the bill had another $100.00 bill stuck to it. Immediately, the lawyer was faced with an ethical dilemma – whether or not to tell his partner.
Scottish Kilts
Why does Scots wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper miles away………..
Soldier Standing at Attention?
One day a man was at work and his employee noticed that his fly
was open so she said, “Mr. Curtis, your bear store is open.”
He finally realized what she was talking about and decided to
have a little fun…. “When you noticed that my Bear Store was
open did you see a soldier standing at attention next to two
barrells or ammo?!” said Mr. Curtis.
“No I didn’t,” she replied, “I saw a handicapped veteran sitting
on some old duffle bags!”
Two blondes
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, “How do you get to the other side?”
“You are on the other side,” the other blonde yells back.
Very Hairy
A very hairy man sat next to this bald man, the bald man asked for a donation and the hairy man said: I am very hairy….
WARNING: These are RUDE.
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
Q. What’s the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q. What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Q. What’s so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
A. You know she’ll swallow.
Q. What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he’s got his head up a fairy’s skirt, then he’s a goblin.’
Q. What’s the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a “quickie,”only you do it yourself.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s ass?
A. A mechanic!
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.
Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she’s 18.
Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.
Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. “Are you In?” or “Is It In?”
Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex
A. “Honey, I’m home!”
Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called “Blonde” paint?
A. It’s not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..
Q. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.
A. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q: What’s the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A: Hair balls.
Q: What’s good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy?
A: Crust.
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork.
You might be a redneck if…cars
Less than half the cars you own run.
Dragging Harry
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game.
As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p.m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway.
“What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been home hours ago!”
“Harry had a heart attack at the third hole,” replied the husband.
“Oh, that’s terrible,” says the wife.
“I know,” the husband answers. “All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry…”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci