Author: admin

A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The businessman replied. “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?”

Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.The only thing he said was, “F.F.”His wife turned to him and answered, “E.F.”Out on the highway, he said, “F.F.”She responded simply, “E.F.”He repeated, “F.F.”She again replied, “E.F.””Mom! Dad!” their son yelled.”What’s going on?”Bad Bernie answered, “your mother wants to eat first!”

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading—a couple of minutes later he asked the priest, “Father what causes arthritis”?

“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man”.

“Well I’ll be damned”, the drunk muttered and returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said turned to the man and apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong—how long have you had arthritis”?

“I don’t, father, I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has it”.