Your mama is so slutty:
She could suck-start a Harley!
She has “TROJAN” written on her gumline!
She was on the front of a wheaties box with her legs spread and at the
bottom it said, “Breakfast of the champions!”
Author: admin
Acting Grown Up
Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing their mothers’ clothing; large hats, high heels, and long dresses. They passed a bar and one of the girls said, “Let’s go in for a drink.”They went in and crawled up to to the bar stools. The bartender laughed and thought he would have some fun. He went to the first little girl and said, “What will you have young lady?”The girl replied, “I’ll Have a Martini.”The bartender could not give them any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an olive in it and put it in front of her.He said to the second girl, “What will you have today?”She replied, “A Manhattan.”The bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger-Ale, put in a cherry in it, and set it in front of her.Next he asked the third little girl, “What will you have today?”After a long pause she replied, “I’ll have a douche. Mother says they’re so refreshing.”
Mouse tattoo
There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar.
The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo.
After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, “Well, I have a tattoo, too!”
The men all look surprised.
The woman continues, “I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?”
The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman.
Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile.
One of the men asks, “What’s wrong, sweet lady?”
The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, “Oh, nothing, I can’t show you my little mouse tattoo after all.
My pussy must have eaten it.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Bad News in Surgery
Things You Don’t Want To Hear In Surgery1. Someone call the janitor – we’re gonna need a mop.2. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?4. Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingy.5. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.6. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?7. Dang it, there go the lights again…8.”Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy’s got two of ’em.9. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!10. What’s this doing here?11. I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.12. Sterile, shmeril. The floor’s clean, right?13. OK, now take a picture from this angle.14. What do you mean “You want a divorce”!15. Dang it! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
Una pareja llega con el
Una pareja llega con el ginec�logo:
“Doctor, creo que mi mujer est� embarazada”.
El m�dico la chequea y afirma:
“No, no est� embarazada, s�lo son gases”.
“�Est� seguro, Dr.?”
“S�, no se preocupe, s� lo que digo, son s�lo gases”.
Despu�s de algunos a�os, el se�or estaba caminando con un ni�o vestido de marinerito y se encuentra con el m�dico; �ste lo saluda muy atentamente y le pregunta:
“��ste es su hijo?”
“S�, Dr., pero para Ud. debe ser un pedo vestido de marinerito”.
How to clean out back of truck
You might be a redneck if you drive really fast backwards and slam on brakes just to clean out the back of your pickup truck.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Dewey!Dewey who?Dewey have
Knock KnockWho’s there?Dewey!Dewey who?Dewey have to keep saying all these jokes!
From skipping
Mike Tyson was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. “I want
you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure
for two weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least five
pounds.”
When Mike Tyson returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly
twenty pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my
instructions?”
Mike Tyson nodded and said, “I’ll tell you though, Doc, I
thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor. To which Tyson answered, “No, Doc,
from skipping.”
You’re a redneck … the most commonly heard
You’re a redneck if….
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is “what the hell are
you looking at, s*******?”
Mad Cow!
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, ”So what do you think of mad cow disease?” The other replies, ”I dunno, I’m a chicken.”
The Top 13 Pick-Up Lines Used by Prince Harry
13> “Hi there. I know eventual-King William.”
12> “If I said you had a beautiful body — for a commoner, of course — would you hold it against me?”
11> “How’d you like to be hounded by paparazzi for the next six months?”
10> “Wanna inbreed?”
9> “Actually, that’s my *inheritance* in my pocket AND I’m happy to see you.”
8> “See ‘Jar Jar’ over there? That’s my dad.”
7> “Technically, you’ll be knighted if I touch you with my ‘royal sceptre.'”
6> “Care to come to my castle for some Bangers and Mash?”
5> “It’s not a proper curtsy unless your skirt’s over your head.”
4> “As a member in good standing of the Royal Hunt Club, it’s been my lifelong ambition to chivvy a little fox like you.”
3> “Before this evening’s over, I’d like to pronounce you ‘Duchess of Fellatia’.”
2> “Guards! Off with her blouse!”
1> “Waste my time with a pick-up line? Balderdash! Bark like a hound for me, peasant girl — and like it!”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
Smoooth
A little girl is very bored in her house when she looked out her
window. To her surprise there were a bunch of little boys out
there.
She said “Oh mommy! Can I go see if those boys will let me play?
I’m so bored! I’ll be back for supper! I promise!”
Her mother looked out the window and said “No, boys, they’re
just too rough! I think you should stay inside with me for a
awhile … want to help with dinner?”
“No,” she said. She looked out the window for about ten minutes
then in a quiet voice asked her mother “If I can find a nice
smoooooooth one, can I play with him???”