Yours Fun Portal !
1) you drive your house and sleep in your car.
2) You think a loaded dishwasher means your wife is drunk.
3) You have more than 2 relatives named Bah.
4) You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER
kids.
5) You’ve been to a wedding reception at the waffle house.
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
Why are black people so tall?????
Because there nee grows!!!!!! ha aha aha ah
What does Yoshi use as a lubricant?
Visine
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.
Andy’s wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asks her husband – “Darling, honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?”
Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,…
“Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying…
“WHOA, hold on there sweety!” Andy interrupted.
“I haven’t added them up yet!”
A bird in the hand is dead.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender if he’d pay the guy $20 if he could show him the most amazing thing in his life. The bartender agrees, and the man pulls out a small white mouse and a tiny piano. The mouse starts to play old man river on the piano.
The bartender isn’t quite amazed yet.
So, the man pulls out a bullfrog, who starts singing along to the mouse’s playing.
The bartender admits that that is the most amazing thing he’s ever seen, and gives the guy his $20.
Another guy sitting next to the man sees the frog and says “Wow, I will give you a thousand dollars right now for that frog!”
The man agrees, and sells him the frog.
After the man who bought the frog leaves, the bartender sez, “Man, you must be insane. That frog could have made you a fortune.”
The man says, “Not really, the mouse is a ventroliquist too.”
Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.
One Spring afternoon, I came home to find two little girls on the steps of my
building. Both were crying hard, shedding big tears.
Thinking they might be hurt, I dropped my briefcase and quickly went over to
them. “Are you all right?” I asked.
Still sobbing, one held up her doll. “My baby’s arm came off,” she said.
I took the doll and its disjointed arm. After a little effort and luck, the
doll was again whole.
“Thank you.” came a whisper.
Next looking into the tearful eyes of her friend, I asked, “and what’s the
matter with you, young lady?”
She wiped her cheeks. “I was helping her cry,” she said.
You’re a redneck if…. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Pierre the passionate French fighter pilot is canoodling with a beautiful woman. “Darling” she says, “kiss me on my lips”. Pierre grabs a bottle of red wine, and pours it onto her face before kissing her passionately.
“But why did you do zat?” asks the girl. “Because I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot, and when I eat red meat, I drink red wine!” he exclaims.
“Oh dahling” she says, “kiss me……lower”. Pierre grabs a bottle of white wine, and pours it onto her breasts before kissing them passionately.
“But why did you do zat?” asks the girl. “Because, mah dahling, I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot, and when I eat white meat, I drink white wine!” he tells her.
“Oh Pierre, mah darling” she says, by now very aroused, “kiss me……lower”.
Pierre grabs a bottle of cognac, pours it all over her muff and sets light to it.
“Aaaargh!!!” she screams “why did you do zat?”.
“Because, mah dahling, I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames!”
En uno de sus sermones, Jes�s dice a sus ap�stoles:
“El que est� libre de pecado, que arroje la primera piedra.”
En eso le pasa rozando la cabeza una tremenda piedra. Extra�ado, descubre que una viejita fue la culpable y exclama:
“�T� no juegas madre!”