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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She
stands next to the barber chair, eating a muffin while her dad
gets his haircut.
The barber smiles at her and says, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get
hair on your muffin.”
“I know,” she replies, “I’m gonna get tits too.”
Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket.Bill says: “Let’s do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver.” They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.
HOW TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:
English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love you
Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime
German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas,
Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky. . . . . . . . Nice Tits
Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!
En una entrevista secreta entre un periodista �rabe y Bin Laden el periodista le pregunta:
“Usted es el autor intelectual del atentado a las torres gemelas?”
“S�”, respondi� Bin Laden.
“�Y lo del pent�gono?”
“Tambi�n.”
“Y d�game, �lo de la embajada en Kenia?”
“Tambi�n.”
“�Sabe algo de los autores de la Amia y la embajada de Israel?”
“Yo fui el autor intelectual de esos dos atentados.”
�Y qu� hay de una entrevista secreta con el expresidente de Argentina, Carlos Menen?”
“�NOOOO… Yo quilombos no quiero!”
Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
From playing marbles.
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After awhile, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
A lesson of history. The teacher ask the kids:
– Who took Bastilia?
No one answers. She gets angry and yells at them:
– You are going to tell me who took Bastilia!
Meanwhile the director of the school is passing by.
– Don’tcha get mad at them poor kids, they will play with it for a while and
put it back, your Bastilia!
A blonde was seen by a Pepsi machine and she dug in her pocket
and put some money in the Pepsi machine. She Crossed her fingers
mumbling “Please, please, please.” and she pushed a button. Of
course, a Pepsi came out and she started jumping up and down. A
man came up to her and said “Lady, What are you doing?!?” The
blonde looked at him and said mockingly, “Duh, I’m winning!”
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he
starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded
to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, “I’m just lookin’
around.”
What do a lightly cooked steak and a smart blonde have in common?
They’re both considered rare.