What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure!!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Author: admin
Baseball Heaven?
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno, Abe. But let’s make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you — and if you die first, you come back and tell me — if there is baseball in heaven.”They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol… Sol….”Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?””Yes it is Sol,” whispers the spirit of Abe.Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in heaven?””Well,” says Abe says, “I got good news and I got bad news.””Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.Abe says, “Well… there is baseball in heaven.”Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?”Abe sighs and whispers, “You’re pitching on Friday.”
Se encuentran dos compadres, uno
Se encuentran dos compadres, uno de ellos le dice a su compa�ero:
“F�jese compadre que en la casa tengo un perrito muy inteligente y obediente si le digo trae el peri�dico enseguida me lo trae si le digo traeme las pantuflas inmediatamente me las trae hace el muertito se brinca es muy buena mascota.”
“MMM pues eso no es nada, f�jate que yo en casa tengo en la cisterna unos cocodrilos que tambi�n est�n amaestrados, si no f�jate nomas.”
Y van a donde los cocodrilos y con un bate de b�isbol golpea el agua y a un cocodrilo que sale de inmediato en la cabeza y en el hocico abri�ndolo de tal manera que �l se saca su cosita y el cocodrilo empieza a darle de besitos. Al terminar le dice al compadre:
“Ahora sigue usted compadre.”
Pero �ste r�pidamente le contesta:
“�S�, compadre pero a mi no me vaya a pegar con el bate!”
Your momma so fat
your momma so fat she opened the frige and it said i give up
Clinton and the Pope
After a meeting with the Pope, Bill Clinton held a press conference and
announced that they had a very successful conference and had agreed on
about 60% of what they discussed.
When asked what they discussed, Clinton replied, “The Ten Commandments.”
Things Only a Mother
1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…”Just wait until your father gets home.”2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING….”You are going to get it when we get home!”3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE…”What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you … Don’t talk back to me!”4. My Mother taught me LOGIC…”If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me.”5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE…”If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD…”If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”7. My Mother taught me ESP…”Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”8. My Mother taught me HUMOUR…”When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…”If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”10. My Mother taught me about SEX….”How do you think you got here?”11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS…”You’re just like your father.”12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS…”Do you think you were born in a barn?”13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE…”When you get to be my age, you will understand.”14. And my all time favourite… JUSTICE…”One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you….then you’ll see what it’s like”
What is white and flies
What is white and flies across the sky?
The coming of the Lord.
Shark fishing
A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
“That’s what I like to see”, said the priest, “A man helping his fellow man.”
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, “Well, he sure doesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.”
Why It’s called sex?
Do you know why it’s called sex?Because it’s easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh…Ahhhhhh….AIIEEEEEEE!!!
Wedding Night Misund
A Polish guy has never had sex, and he gets into bed on his wedding night. His wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says, “Do you know what I want?”He says, “No.”She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, “Now do you know what I want?”He says, “Yeah…you want the whole friggin’ bed to yourself!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tank!Tank who?Your welcome!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tank!Tank who?Your welcome!
Hooker
As the young couple prepare to go to bed on their wedding night, the groom says to his bride, “Honey, I have a confession to make. I’m a golf addict.
I play whenever I have a minute. I can’t get enough of it. you’ll probably never see me on the weekends.”
His bride looked a little uneasy and then said, “Honey I have a confession also…I’m a hooker.”
“No problem.” Replied the groom, “Just keep your left arm straight and keep that head down. You’ll be hitting them straight in no time.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis