Author: admin

Little Johnny at the Zoo

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Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his mother. They go to the elephant exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is taking a leak. Johnny points to the pachyderm’s privates and says, “Mommy, what’s that?”

Mommy, seeing the huge member, turns bright red and says, “Oh, that’s nothing. Never mind. Come along now.”

A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with his father. Johnny grabs his dad by the hand, and pulls him over the elephants, saying he has a question. Once there, Johnny points to the elephant’s member and says, “Daddy, what’s that?”

Dad replies, “Didn’t your mother tell you?”

“Yes, she told me it was nothing.”

“Well, your mom is spoiled, son.”

Nutty Mutts

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malamute x pointer = moot point, favorites of lawyers but … it doesn’t seem
to matter.

bull terrier x s***** = bulls****, a gregarious but unreliable breed.

pointer x setter = poinsetter, a traditional christmas pet.

kerry blue terrier x skye terrier = blue skye, a dog for visionaries.

great pyrenees x dachshund = pyradachs, a puzzling breed.

pekingnese x lhasa apso = peekasso, an abstract dog.

irish water spaniel x english springer spaniel = irish springer, a dog fresh
and clean as a whistle.

labrador retriever x curly coated retriever = lab coat retriever, the choice
of research scientists.

newfoundland x basset hound = newfound asset hound, a dog for financial
advisors.

terrier x bulldog = terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.

bloodhound x labrador = blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.

collie x malamute = commute, a dog that travels to work.

deerhound x terrier = derriere, a dog that’s true to the end.

cocker spaniel x rottweiller = cockrot, the perfect puppy for that
philandering ex-husband.

Un psic�logo venezolano llama a

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Un psic�logo venezolano llama a un colega a las 2 de la ma�ana:

“�Tienes que venirte para mi consultorio inmediatamente!”

“�A las 2 de la ma�ana?”

“�Es que tengo un caso �nico aqu�!”

“Pero… �de que se trata?”

“�Tengo un caso de complejo de inferioridad!”

“�Estas loco?… �yo atiendo a MILES de pacientes as�, todos los d�as!”

“S�, s�… pero… �argentino?”

The Leper

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A leper walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a clod beer. The leper is sitting there, enjoying his beer, when he notices a man across the bar, staring at him, with an expression on his face like he is about to puke. The leper tries to ignore the man, and enjoy his beer, but the man keeps staring, and making faces. So finally, after suffering the man’s stares for long enough, the leper stands, and calls across the bar, “Hey man, what’s your problem?? I’m a leper, you know it, I know it, everyone knows it. I can’t help it. Why do you have to be such an ass?”. the man, with the same grossed out look on his face replies, “It’s not you, the guy behind you keeps dipping his chip in your neck!”.

Bull’s Balls

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There was a guy who was searching for the most potent
aphrodisiac in the world . He went to a Chinese herbal coctor
who told him that bull’s balls were the most potent one.

He then went to Spain, the bull-fighting capital of the world.
He found a restaurant in Pamplona who specialized in serving
bull’s balls. He then was able to gorge himself out day in and
day out of this aphrodisiac. One day, he noticed that his
serving of bull’s balls were smaller. He then asked the waiter
what happened. The waiter replied non-chanantly, “Well senor,
sometimes the bull wins.”

Yo’ Mama Jokes

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Yo’ Mama is so fat, she tried to fit into a pair of ‘BVD’s and by the time she got it on, it spelled ‘BOULEVARD’.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, she went to the beauty parlor and it took her three hours just to get an estimate.

Yo’ Mama is so old, she went to a museum and they tried to claim her as an exhibit.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Yo’ Mama is so old, when God said ‘let there be light’, she was there to flick the switch.

Yo’ Mama is so dumb, she threw a rock at the ground and missed, tripped over the wire of a cordless phone, and got hit by a parked car.

Movies Teach Us

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Life Lessons Learned At the Movies

* It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

* A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

* If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

* Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

* When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

* No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

* Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

* When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

* You can always find a chain saw when you need one.

* Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

* An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

* Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.