Why do women always use DIAL soap?
Because DIAL spelled backwards equals happiness!
Author: admin
Va un tipo al hospital
Va un tipo al hospital a visitar a su compadre que se encontraba convaleciente.
“�Qu� le pas� compadre?”
“Mire, (ense��ndole una rajada en la cabeza) ve esto compadre, pues fue hecho con un cuerno de jirafa”.
El amigo se queda asombrado.
“Mire, (mostr�ndole un moret�n en el est�mago) ve esto compadre, pues fue una patada de caballo salvaje”.
El camarada no sale de su asombro.
“Mire, (se�alando un orificio en la parte superior de la espalda) ve esto compadre, fue un cuerno de rinoceronte”.
El otro compadre no resiste la curiosidad e intrigado cuestiona:
“�Pos donde andaba compadre? �En un safari?”
“No compadre, me sub� muy alcoholizado al carrusel de la feria y me resbal�”.
The Splice
A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant’s trunk onto the man’s penis.
Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man’s penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth.
The girl was startled and exclaimed, “What was that?”
Suddenly, the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared.
The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, “I don’t believe I saw what I think I just saw… Can you do that again?”
With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, “Honey, I’d like to, but I don’t think my ass can take another hard roll!”
An IBM acronym
IBM: Institute of Black Magic
Buying Toy with Fake Money
LIttle Johnny went into a toy store. He took a toy plane and
gave the clerk fake money. The clerk told him, “Hey you, this
ain’t real money.” Little Johnny did not reply and continued to
walk out the store.
The clerk yelled at Little Johnny again, “Hey you, this ain’t
real money.” Little Johnny continued out the store.
The clerk ran after Little Johnny and told him again, “This
ain’t real money.” Little Johnny finally replied, “And this
ain’t a real plane.”
What did the leper say to the prostitute?…
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave his cat a bath?
Did you hear about the blonde who gave his cat a bath?
He still hasn’t gotten all the hair off his tongue.
SAYINGS OF BIBLICAL MOTHERS
* “Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don’t know where it’s been!”
* “David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice
your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!”
* “Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!”
* “Shadrach, Messiah and Abed ego! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like
a dirty old’ furnace!”
* “Cain! Get off your brother! You’re going to kill him some day!”
* “Noah! No, you can’t keep them! I told you; don’t bring home any more
strays!”
* “Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your
clothes!”
* “James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table,
please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder!”
* “Judas! Have you been in my purse again?”
* “Jesus! Do you think you were born in a barn?”
The moment of truth!
A man goes to visit the grave of his mother, puts a beautiful bouquet at the headstone and gets up, to leave when he notices another man crying his heart out, lying on one of the graves in such a way, that he breaks the other man’s heart.
The sobbing goes on and on and he hears the other say:
– Oh why? Why did you have to die!? Why did you go?
And then he breaks down sobbing again, hitting his head over the headstone, still crying:
-Oh why did you die!? Why did you go so soon?
Intringued, the other guy goes to him and says:
I’m so sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do for you?
Who is the person you are crying over so desperately, he asks, in compassion?
That’s my wife’s third husband, comes the reply, between sobs.
I’m number four…..
Twas the Night Before Crisis
Twas the night before crisis,
And behind White House doors,
Not a creature was stirring,
Especially Al Gore.
The interns were nestled,
Dressed in their berets,
In hopes that Saint Bubba
Would come out to play.
When on the East Lawn,
There arose such a clatter,
Even Sam Donaldson
Lost control of his bladder.
Away to our TVs
We flew like a flash,
There’s a special report,
And it’s pre-empting M*A*S*H!
And what to our wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a homely lil’ troll,
With tapes for us to hear.
With a K-Mart bought blazer,
And a bad frizzy ‘do,
And a tale to be told-
To me, and to you.
On the chair! On the carpet!
On the Oval Office desk!
With a chubby young intern,
Who was all eyes and chest.
The Pres had been careless,
Indeed, dumb and dumber.
Now the whole world knew
Bubba Had gotten a hummer.
And Monica Lewinsky
Emerged from the rubble,
If she’d just kept her mouth shut,
We’d not have all this trouble.
And thus set in motion,
A whole web o’ spiders,
With pundits galore,
And “White House insiders.
You ask, “Who would care
About Bill and his penis?”
Republican Ken Starr,
And he’s armed with subpoenas!
More rapid than eagles,
Process servers, they flew!
“Here’s one for you!
And for you! And you, too!”
“Now Jordan! Now Cockell!
Is there anyone else?!?
Let’s subpoena the lawyers!
And Bubba himself!!”
“We want you to tell us
About Bill’s private life,
And anyone he sleeps with,
‘cept, of course, his wife.”
And many months later,
After long we’ve all suffered,
Let’s examine more closely
Just what Starr’s uncovered.
We’ve learned “Little Bill”
Has a mind of his own,
And – horror of horrors –
He likes to get blown!
A funny fact surfaced,
After 40 million bucks:
Seems most people don’t care
Just who Clinton, er, makes love to.
The economy’s great,
And shows no signs of slowing.
Hell, we hope Ms. Lewinsky
NEVER stops blowing!
Now the public’s grown weary.
Will this sleaze never end?
We just want to get back
To “E.R.”, and to “Friends.”
Now Monica, Linda —
And Ken Starr, you suck –
Get the hell off my TV,
Your 15 minutes are up.
Yo!! mama!!
Your mama is so old she farts dust!!!!
Old Person
yo mamma is so old she has a social seceritey number of 0