Author: admin

There was an Aggie, Longhorn, and a Red Raider who were out hunting. The Aggie brought back a big buck. ”How did you get that?” they all asked. ”I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and ‘boom’ I shot a buck.” Then the longhorn brought back an elephant. ”How did you get that?” they all asked. ”I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and ‘boom’ I shot an elephant.” Then the Red Raider came back all beat up.”What happened?” they all asked.”I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and ‘boom’ I got hit by a train.”

Nunca hab�a entendido por qu� las necesidades sexuales de los hombres y las mujeres son tan diferentes entre s�. Nunca hab�a entendido todo eso de Marte y Venus. Y nunca hab�a entendido por qu� los hombres piensan con la cabeza y las mujeres con el coraz�n. Una noche, la semana pasada, mi mujer y yo nos �bamos a la cama. Bueno, empezamos a cachondearnos, el inevitable agarre de chichis, ya la ten�a bien parada y en ese momento, me dice:

“Ahorita no tengo ganas, mi amor, tan s�lo quiero que me abraces”.

Yo dije:

“�QU�?”

As� que me dijo las palabras m�gicas:

“No sabes conectarte con mis necesidades emocionales como mujer”.

�NO MAMES! Al final, asum� que esa noche no iba a coger, as� que me dorm�.

Al d�a siguiente fuimos de compras a El Palacio de Hierro. Me fui a hacer pendejo mientras ella se probaba tres modelitos car�simos. Como no pod�a decidirse por uno u otro, le dije que se llevara los tres. Entonces me dijo que necesitaba unos zapatos que hicieran juego, a $2,000.00 el par, conque le conteste que me parec�a bien. Luego pasamos por la joyer�a, de donde sali� con unos pendientes de diamantes. �Estaba tan emocionada!

Yo creo que pens� que me hab�a vuelto loco, pero de todas maneras le vali� madres. Pienso que me estaba poniendo a prueba cuando me pidi� un brazalete para tenis, porque si la muy huevona no sabe ni correr, mucho menos juega al tenis. Me parece que romp� con todos sus esquemas cuando le dije que s�.

Ella estaba casi excitada sexualmente despu�s de todo esto; deb�an haber visto su cara. Dijo:

“Vente, vamos a la caja a pagar”.

Me cost� mucho aguantarme la risa al decirle:

“No, mi amor, creo que ahorita no tengo ganas de comprar todo eso”.

De verdad, ojal� le hubieran visto su cara. Se quedo p�lida cuando le dije:

“Tan s�lo quiero que me abraces”.

En el momento en que empez� a poner cara de querer romperme la madre, a�ad�:

“No sabes conectarte con mis necesidades financieras como hombre”.

Creo que no volver� a coger hasta la primavera de 2003…

Q: How many animals can you fit in a pair of panty hose?

Think about it…

A: 10 little piggies,

2 calves,

1 ass,

1 beaver,

an unknown number of hares,

and…

1 fish that no one can find!

Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by calamjo

A man went to a plastic surgeon to get work done on his penis. The doctor, curious, asked what had happened to it. “Well,” the patient said, “I live in a trailer court. A gorgeous buxom creature lives in the trailer next to mine. I used to peek into her trailer and I saw that she had a habit. Each afternoon she’d take a frankfurter from her refrigerator and put it in a hole on her trailer floor. Then she’d sit on it and have a ball.”

“She nearly drove me crazy. So I got a bright idea. One day I got under her trailer and when she slid the frankfurter into the hole, I slid it out and slipped my penis up through the hole.” “She sat down on it and everything was great until there was a knock at the door.”

“And then?” said the doctor. “Aw hell,” the patient explained.

“That’s when she tried to kick it under the stove.”

Father Delany was walking home after his sermon late one night when he came upon this intoxicated tramp on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the man, “Do you live here?”
“Yesh,” the man slowly replied.

“Would you like me to help you upstairs?” the father asked.

“Yesh,” the man slowly sputtered.

When they got up on the second floor he asked, “Is this your floor?”

“Yesh,” again the man replied.

Then Father Delany got to thinking that maybe he didn’t want to face the man’s irate wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it, then went back downstairs.

But lo and behold when he went back outside, there was another Tramp lying on the sidewalk. So he asked that man “Do you live here?”

“Yesh.”

“Would you like me to help you upstairs?”

“Yesh.”

So he did and put him in the same door with the first Tramp. Then went back downstairs, where, to his surprise, there was another tramp.

So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the tramp staggered over to a policeman and cried, “For God’s sake, offisher, protect me from thish man. He’sh been doing nothing all night long but takin’ me upstairsh and throwing me down the elevator shaft!”