Yours Fun Portal !
Marie’s funeral is a sad one as she goes to join her departed husband. Standing near the casket, a mourner keeps repeating, “At last they’re together. At last they’re together.”
A mourner whispers, “Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What’s with this nonsense…at last they’re together!”
The first mourner responds, “I’m talking about her LEGS! At last they’re together!”
I took my young son to the doctor for a routine physical.
All the way I had to reassure him that he would not be getting a shot.
He went through his eye exam, hearing test, etc.
The nurse came into the exame room and started to ask me routine questions.
When she got to “Is he allergic to anything” my four year old son stood up and said…
“YES, I’m allergic to shots!”
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old bulb because it’s been thrown away by an uncaring society, one to arrange the case conference and one to make sure they are all following the correct working practice.Note: Sever of the jokes below relate to Ivy league schools. No offense was meant by them.
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were
touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such,
when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard
a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You, foreigners! Come
in. Come into my humble shop.” So the married couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I
think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a
great desert camel.”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t
need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a
sex freak?”
The Pakistani man replied, “Just try them on.”
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally
conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his
feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife
hadn’t seen in many years – raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man,
threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy’s pants.
All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, “YOU HAVE THEM ON
THE WRONG FEET!”.
Dos tontilandeses van a pasar las vacaciones a Estupid’s City. Mientras van en el tren uno se queda flipado mirando por la ventana y le dice al otro:
“Oye, �te has fijado en lo r�pido que pasan los postes?”
Y el otro le dice:
“�Es verdad, de regreso mejor nos venimos en poste!”
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
“You’re running around with other women,” she charged.
“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded.
“You’re the only woman on earth!”
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.
“Counting your ribs,” said Eve!
It seemed like a silly idea at first,
but now I sleep much better with my eyes closed!
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten
track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through
the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands
on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
“Let’s see yer fishin’ license, Boy!” the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid
fishing license.
“Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about as dumb as a box of
rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”
“Yes, sir,” replied the young guy. “But my friend back there, well, he don’t
have one.”
Eclipse e-klips’: What an English barber does for a living.Eyedropper i’-drop-ur: A clumsy ophthalmologist.Heroes hee’-rhos: What a guy in a boat does.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Pick Pocket with a Peeping Tom?
A: A person who Watches Snatches!
Not only is she a little young, but you’re sure that you used to date
her mother.
…You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.
…She has a thicker moustache than you.
…When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.
…You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.
…Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
…You are the first guy that she’s gone out with that isn’t her cousin.
…At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
…She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
…You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.
…At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.
…She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet satan.
…She constantly complains that her cat won’t stop laughing at her.
…She informs you that you can’t go out again because her spirit guide doesn’t like you.
…She informs you that you can’t go out again because her boyfriend doesn’t like you.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.