Yours Fun Portal !
Yesterday my daughter and I drove to the babysitters house to pick up my two-year old son. We were about to get in the car to go home when I noticed a baby birds in a nest in a nearby bush.
I gently picked up one of the birds to show my daughter and my son. “See? It’s a baby,” I said, trying to calm down my son, who was scared of the little bird.
“I don’t want a baby, I don’t want a baby,” he was saying.
“He sounds just like his father,” my daughter replied!
The brothel’s madam opened the door to find a frail, elderly gentleman standing there. “May I help you?” asked the madam.
“I want Natalie,” replied the old man.
“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else…”
“No, I must see Natalie,” insisted the old man.
Just then, Natalie appeared and advised the old man that she charges $1000 a visit. Without blinking an eye, he reached in his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two of them then went up to a room for an hour, after which the old man calmy left.
The next evening, he appeared at the brothel again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts… the price was still $1000. Again, he took out the money and the two of them went up to a room. An hour later, he left.
No one could believe it when he showed up the third consecutive night. Again, he demanded to see Natalie, handed her the money and they went up to a room. After the hour had passed, Natalie questioned him. “No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?”
“I’m from Los Angeles,” he replied.
“Really?” Natalie said. “I have family living there.”
“Yes, I know,” the old man said. “Your father passed away and I’m your sister’s attorney. She asked me to give you $3000.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
The Importance of Proper Punctuation———————————————————-Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You aregenerous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like youadmit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me forother men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoeverwhen we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let mebe yours? Gloria———————————————————-Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is. All about you aregenerous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you.Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me.For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelingswhatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Willyou let me be? Yours, Gloria———————————————————-
Why does Pamela Anderson have such a flat tummy?
Nothing grows in the shade.
A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon.
When they get back, his friend says to him, “So, tell me, how was it?”
“Oh, it was beautiful,” says the man. “The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -“
His friend interrupts him. “A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?”
“Oh,” says the man, “we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday…”
How Dogs Are Better Than Men1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.3. Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.4. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).7. You can train a dog.8. Dogs are easy to buy for.9. Dogs understand the word “no”.10. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Kathy and Suzy are having a conversation during there lunch break.
Kathy asks, “So, Suzy how’s your sex life these days?”
Suzy replies, “Oh, you know. It’s the usual, Social Security kind.”
“Social Security?” Kathy asked quizzically.
“Yeah, you get a little each month, but it’s not enough to live on.”
Un hombre estaba obsesionado con los senos femeninos, as� que fue a ver a un psiquiatra y le dijo su problema.
“Voy a hacer una prueba de asociaci�n de palabras,” le explic� el doctor. “Voy a decir una palabra, y usted me dir� lo primero que se le venga a la mente.”
“Naranjas,” dijo el doctor.
“Tetas,” replic� el paciente.
“Manzanas.” “Tetas.”
“Melones.” “Tetas.”
“Limpiaparabrisas.” “Tetas.”
“�Un momento! Puedo ver la relaci�n entre naranjas, manzanas y melones con los senos. �Pero los limpiadores de autom�viles? �Cu�l es la relaci�n?”
“Muy f�cil… �uno en la izquierda y otro en la derecha!”
Henry’s dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country.
One day his Uncle Festus came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, they were required to sleep together.
When Uncle Festus came into the bedroom, he saw Henry kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed.
Thinking this was the child’s religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.
Henry looked up and said, “Whatcha doin’?”
“Why, the same thing you’re doing,” replied Uncle Festus.
“Ma’s gonna be mad,” said Henry, “the pot’s on this side.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
You know you a redneck when the speaker says “do the hodown” and you throw your wife on the floor.
was in a bar when i met up with an old pal from school i said crikey you put on some weight… he replied its ever since my dad died … i said what did you do eat him!
I just hope God grades on a curve.