There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.
Author: admin
Q: How many contrabassoon
Q: How many contrabassoon players does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Five. One to hold the bulb and the other four to figure out the fingerings.
Corny
What did Baby Corn say to Momma
Corn?
Wheres Pop Corn?
What do you call four
What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?
– Quattro Sink-o
All You Can Drink
A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench, and orders a cold one. He swigs
down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and Orders another. He gulps down
that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This
goes on for at Least an hour and a half.
Finally the bartender, bursting with curiosity, says, “I know it’s none of my
business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the Whole “drink, look in pocket, cringe,
and order another one” routine?”
“Well,” slurred the man, “There’s a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she
starts to look good, then it’s time for me to Go home.”
Getting into heaven
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'”
Yo MAMA
Yo MAMA’s so fat see couldn’t even fit in the house
Ebonic Medical Dictionary
ARTERY. . . . . . . . .THE STUDY OF PAINTINGS
BACTERIA. . . . . . . .BACK DOOR OF A CAFETERIA
BARIUM. . . . . . . . .WHAT DOCTORS DO WHEN A PATIENT DIES
BOWEL. . . . . . . . .A LETTER LIKE A, E, I, O, OR U
CESAREAN SECTION. . . .A NEIGHBORHOOK IN ROME
CAT SCAN. . . . . . . .SEARCHING FOR A KITTY
CAUTERIZE. . . . . . .HAD EYE CONTACT WITH HER
COLIC. . . . . . . . .A SHEEP DOG
COMA. . . . . . . . .A PUNCTUATION MARK
D & C. . . . . . . . .WHERE WASHINGTON IS
DILATE. . . . . . . .TO LIVE LONG
ENEMA. . . . . . . . .NOTA FRIEND
FESTER. . . . . . . . .QUICKER
FIBULA. . . . . . . . .A SMALL LIE
GENITAL. . . . . . . .NOT A JEW
G. I. SERIES. . . . .A SOLDIER’S BALL GAME
HANGNAIL. . . . . . . .COAT HOOK
IMPOTENT. . . . . . . .DISTINGUISHED, WELL KNOWN
LABOR PAIN. . . . . . .GETTING HURT AT WORK
MEDICAL STAFF. . . . .A DOCTOR’S CANE
MORBID. . . . . . . . .A HIGHER OFFER
NITRATES. . . . . . . .CHEAPER THAN DAY RATES
NODE. . . . . . . . . .WAS AWARE OF
OUTPATIENT. . . . . . .A PERSON WHO HAS FAINTED
PAP SMEAR. . . . . . .A FATHERHOOD TEST
PELVIS. . . . . . . . A COUSIN TO ELVIS
POST OPERATIVE. . . . .LETTER CARRIER
RECOVERY ROOM. . . . . .PLACE TO DO UPHOLSTERY
RECTUM. . . . . . . . .DAMN NEAR KILLED ‘EM
SECRETION. . . . . . .HIDING SOMETHING
SEIZURE. . . . . . . .ROMAN EMPEROR
TABLET. . . . . . . . .SMALL TABLE
TERMINAL ILLNESS. . . . .GETTING SICK AT THE AIRPORT
ULTRASOUND. . . . . . . .VERY GOOD MUSIC
URINE. . . . . . . . . .OPPOSITE OF “YOU’RE OUT”
VARICOSE. . . . . . . .NEAR BY
VEIN. . . . . . . . . .CONCEITED
My men are very brave
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: “So how are your men?””Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.””I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country.” “Well, my men are very brave, too.””I’d like to see that.”So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: “Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!””Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idioy! I’m out of here!” As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:”You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.”
I Want A Bike
Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared.
He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror.
She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.”
Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed.
Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom’s room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom.
Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pyjamas, rubs his chest and groans ” I want a bike, I want a bike.”
Use "Beautiful" in a Sentence
Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class if anyone can use the
word “beautiful” in a sentence. Little Johnny starts waving his
hand in the air immediately.
The teacher calls on little Mary. Little Mary says, “The sunset
last night was beautiful.” “Wonderful”, says the teacher. Next
she calls on little Susie.
Little Susie says, “There are some beautiful flowers in front of
the school.” “Terrific, little Susie”, says the teacher.
Finally she calls on Johnny. Little Johnny says, “My sister’s
got beautiful tits!” “Johnny!!!”, says the teacher in shock.
“You can’t…how could you…that’s not the sort of thing…you
have to be punished! Tonight you have to think up a sentence
using the word “beautiful” in it twice and tomorrow morning
you’ll tell it to the whole class.”
The next morning she makes Johnny come up to the front of the
class to recite his sentence. Little Johnny says, “Last night my
sister told daddy she was pregnant and daddy said, “Beautiful,
just fuckin’ beautiful.””
Why women are so beautiful
A man goes to god and asks “why did you make women so beautiful?” God replies “so you would love her. Then the man asks “but why did you make her so stupid?” and god replies”so she would love you!!”