A man suspected his wife of cheating on him. so he decided to buy a talking parrot to tell him what goes on while he’s at work. He looks all over, and all he can find is a parrot with no legs, buts he’s desperate, so he buys it. He sets the parrots cage up, and props the bird up, and the next day he tells the parrot, “pay careful attention to what goes on today.So the man goes to work, and about 2 hours later, the woman come in with the mailman. The parrot looks at them carefully so he can tell the man everything. When the man comes home, he asks to parrot, “so what happened?” “Well”, the parrot started “she came in with the mail man, and they started kissing, and he started to undress her..” Then the parrot stopped. “Well!! What else happened??”The parrot said, I dont know, I popped a boner and fell over.”
Author: admin
La maestra de Pepito, hab�a
La maestra de Pepito, hab�a encargado a la clase una composici�n sobre la mosca, donde por lo menos, deb�an escribir 100 palabras.
En el momento de revisar la tarea de Pepito, la maestra encuentra una hoja impresa en computadora que dec�a:
Alumno : Pepito Perez, Sexto a�o, Grupo “C” Tema: La mosca.
La mosca es un animal cole�ptero, que desde la ma�ana se la pasa chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue y chingue. Y as� todo el d�a.
New Bank Teller
Interviewing the young Swede for a job as teller, the bank president is amazed with the skill the applicant exhibits at handling money.”So,” the president says, “where did you get your training?””Yale,” the fair-haired youth replies.”I see. And what did you say your name was?”He answers, “Yackson.”
Top thirty signs to bring to an Nsync concert
:1. Is this the NKOTB reunion concert?2. Does anyone know what state Lance is from?3. Joey’s Hoe #564. All the fellas in the house, lemme hear ya say Boom Shaka Laka Boom!5. This Song Sucks! (and hold it up at the beginning of every song, or even better, hold it up when they’re talking)6. This girl has B.O. (with an arrow pointing to the person next to you)7. I hate baby blue!8. I actually like Joey actually9. I’ll Lay Down Beside You AJ!10. Steve Fatone is HOT! (just a quick way to get yourself on the big screen)11. What up, J-Dawg? Just wanted to make you feel welcome, yo.12. Justin & Britney 4-Ever13. Why don’t you guys ever sing “The Hardest Thing?”14. Hey JC! Where’s Bobbi?15. I made this poster just in case you guys forgot what you looked like (and tape a bunch of teeny posters on it)16. Scream louder for Chris! Hearing loss comes w/old age!17. This one’s a little hard to explain… at the top, write Justin’s To-DoList. Underneath that, write Opening Acts and cross it out. Then write, Britney with a check next to her name, then Tatyana with a check next to hers and then whatever girl is opening at this particular concert, leave the box unchecked.18. JC’s got it goin on FUNKY STYLE!19. Who’s this Lance guy everyone’s talking about?20. JC, will you conduct my school’s band?21. JC, Justin, and Chris all have girlfriends!22. Britney Spears is my idol!23. God Musta Spent a Little More Time on ME.24. Hey! I’m legal!25. Look at me, I’m not wearing baby blue!26. JC is a totally narly dude! (Think JC’s Character ‘Wipeout’ on “Emerald Cove” *MMC*)27. Justin, I’ll be your Apple Jacks and you can eat me all day long!28. Why don’t you ever return my phone calls? I want my child support!29. What possessed you guys to ever write Giddy Up?30. Dreds & a goatee! Gee Chris, that’s CRAZY!
AGE DRINK…
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
66 Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 “Burger King”
25 “Free meal”
35 “A diamond”
48 “A bigger diamond”
66 “Home Alone”
FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
HOUSE PET
17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs
Muffy the Cat
WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast
A guy goes to the
A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to
put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and
asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, “I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.”
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: “First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.”
You’re a redneck … your two year old
You’re a redneck if …. Your two year old has more teeth than you do.
Ode to a Glow Worm
I wish I was a glow worm.
A glow worm’s never glum.
It’s hard to be downhearted, When the sun shines out your bum!
The Difference Between Cats and Dogs
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!
FUnny
HI My NAME IS LACEY AND THIS IS A FUNNY joke!!
DUI ENforcement
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the
driving-under-the-influence laws.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on
the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he
found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his
keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The
results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
Deaf Men in a Bar
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar. The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, “If I told them once I told them 100 times – NO SINGING IN THE BAR!”