Be content with what you’ve got, but be sure you’ve got plenty.
Author: admin
Potential & Reality
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for
help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask
your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then
go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then
come back and tell me what you’ve learned.”
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. “Mom, if someone gave you a
million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?”
“Don’t tell your father, but yes, I would.”
He then goes to his sister’s room. “Sis, if someone gave you a million
dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?”
She replies, “O my god! Definitely!”
The kid goes back to his father. “Dad, I think I’ve figured it out.
Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living
with two sluts.”
Others Before Me?
The morning after an all-night honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to her hubby and asks, “Sweetheart, how many others were there before me?”
After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, “Well, I’m waiting.”
And the guy takes a deep breath and says, “Well, I’m still counting.”
Get Dirty
A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The doctor finishes the exam and tells the man, “I have some bad news, you only have about two weeks left to live”. The man is shocked. He asks the doctor, “Is there is any thing that he could do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?” The doctor thinks for a moment. “There is one thing that you could do”. “Just name it, I’ll do whatever it is”. He tells the man to take a lot of mud baths, two or three a day. The man looks at his doctor asks, “Will that help my condition”? The doctor says, “No, but it will get you used to the dirt!”
If builders built buildings the
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.81. Collect Chia-Pets.
Ya momma
your mommas so stupid she got run over by a parked car
Experts Warn of Threat from 100GigaBurg Bug
Experts Warn of Threat from 100GigaBurg Bug
Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB Bug. As most people know, McDonald’s restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB).
Within months or even weeks, that number will roll over to 100GB. McDonald’s signs, however, were designed years ago, when the prospect of selling one hundred billion hamburgers seemed unthinkably remote. So the signs have only two decimal places. This means that, after the sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald’s signs will read “00 Billion Burgers Sold.”
This, experts predict, will convince the public that, in over thirty years, no McDonald’s hamburgers have ever in fact been sold, causing a complete collapse of consumer confidence in McDonald’s products. The ensuing catastrophic drop in sales is seen as almost certain to force the already-troubled company into bankruptcy.
This, in turn, will push the teetering American economy over the brink, which, finally, will complete the total devastation of the global economy, ending civilization as we know it, and forcing us all to live on beetles.
“The people who know — the sign-makers — are really scared of 100GB,” one expert said.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m digging up a copy of THE FIELD GUIDE TO NORTH AMERICAN INSECTS and heading for the hills.”
Un joven muy bailador llega
Un joven muy bailador llega a una fiesta y no encuentra una pareja para bailar. En eso mira a una linda se�orita que est� en una mesa con sus padres y se dirige hacia ella.
“�Me permitir�a bailar?” le dijo el joven.
Los padres y la joven se miran entre si y le responden:
“Disculpe joven, lo que pasa es que la se�orita no tiene piernas.”
El joven apenado responde:
“Perd�neme, pero no era mi intenci�n ofender, no sab�a lo de su estado, pero aun as� quisiera bailar con ella, yo la sujetar�a fuerte y as� bailar�amos sin problemas.”
La se�orita y sus padres aceptaron y los dos empezaron a bailar. Pero como la chica estaba muy pegada a las partes �ntimas del joven, �ste empez� a exitarse y ella tambi�n. Entonces �l le propone a la chica estar en un lugar mas solo y ella le dice que en la parte trasera de la casa hay un �rbol de mangos y que ah� puede ser.
Cuando est�n debajo del �rbol de mangos, �l le propone hacer el amor, pero no sabe como hacerlo. Ella le dice que la suba un poco para sujetarse de una de las ramas del �rbol. Despu�s de terminar, el joven la baja de la rama y la lleva a la mesa donde est�n los padres de la chica.
“Aqu� est� su hija, Se�ores. Gracias por todo.” dijo el joven.
Y los padres de la chica le responden: “Usted s� que es un caballero, noble, honesto, gentil…”
“No es para tanto”, interrumpe el joven.
“Claro que s�. Usted es el �nico que la ha tra�do hasta aqu�. �Los dem�s me la han dejado colgada de la rama!”
Where is your wife?
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?”To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”
Positions
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever … well, you know … does she … well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”
Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches.
Q: What is the difference between Hitler and Bill Clinton?
A: Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches.