Q: Why Do Bulldogs Have Flat Faces?
A: Because The Keep On Chasing PARKED CARS!!
Author: admin
Banjo joke
Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player’s best friend?A: Without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.
TOP 10 reasons fishing beats sex!
TOP 10 REASONS FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX….
10. LASTS FROM DAWN TILL DUSK
9. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SECRET HOLE
8. ALLOWED SEVERAL FISH DAILY
7. CAN CHOOSE THE LENGTH OF YOUR ROD
6. CAN FISH ANY TIME OF THE MONTH
5. YOU CLEAN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT
4. ABLE TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU FISH
3. THE COST OF BAIT IS CHEAPER THAN A DATE
2. YOU CAN ALWAYS THROW IT BACK
1. YOUR FAVORITE CATCH CAN BE MOUNTED ON THE WALL
ON THEIR OWN
More than 75,000 children adopted from abroad and living in this country will
automatically become United States citizens on Tuesday because of changes to
immigration law. The government reported that the kids found this exciting,
especially the thousand or so who were NOT adopted by Mia Farrow.
Medicine vs. Sports
Former college basketball coach Abe Lemmons made the following observations
concerning the differences between doctors and coaches:
Doctors can bury their mistakes –
Coaches still have theirs on scholarships.
Finish last in your league and they call you an idiot –
Finish last in medical school and they call you a doctor.
Just once I’d like to see the win-loss records of doctors right out front
where people can see them: Won ten, Lost three, Tied two.
Qualified
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to Little Johnny and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, “What would you like to discuss?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?”
“OK,” said Little Johnny. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
“Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea.”
“Well, then,” said Little Johnny, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know crap?”
Country Newlyweds
A young farmer couple got married, and they just couldn’t seem to get enough
lovin’. Just before leaving the house for the fields at dawn, they made love,
and when the husband returned home at evening they had another go – both before
and after supper, and then again a few more times during the night.
The problems only happened during the day. The fields were far away from the
house and the young man lost half an hour each time traveling home and back
again at noon. Finally he decided to consult a friend, the town’s doctor, about
what to do.
“Easiest thing in the world, Homer” said the doctor. “You take your rifle out
with you every day don’t you? Well, when you feel like you’re in the mood for
some lovin’, just fire a shot into the air as a signal to your wife, for her to
come out to you. That way you won’t lose any working’ time.”
Homer tried his friend’s solution and it seemed to work pretty well for a
while. One day though, the doctor stopped by the house to pay a visit and he
noticed Homer sitting alone inside looking very somber.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Didn’t my idea work? Where’s your wife?”
“Oh, it worked,� says Homer. “Whenever I got in the mood I fired off a shot
like you said, and Beckie’d comes running’. Then we’d find a secluded place and
make love. Then Beckie’d go back home.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Well I think I overdid it, Doc. I ain’t seen hide nor hair of Beckie since
hunting season got started…”
There’s a pothole in the
There’s a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it.Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.You argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one of the 7 wonders of the world.
Un sacerdote y una monja
Un sacerdote y una monja se pierden en medio de una tormenta de nieve. Despu�s de caminar un rato, llegan a una caba�a peque�a. Totalmente agotados, se preparan para pasar la noche.
Hab�a una pila de mantas y una bolsa de dormir en el suelo, pero solamente una cama. Caballero aun en circunstancias extremas, el sacerdote indica:
“Hermana, usted duerma en la cama. Yo dormir� en el suelo, en la bolsa de dormir”.
Se mete dentro de ella, sube el cierre rel�mpago para cerrar la bolsa y comienza a quedarse dormido. Casi al instante la monja exclama:
“Padre, tengo fr�o”.
El cura sale dificultosamente de la bolsa de dormir, se levanta, busca una de las frazadas y cubre a la monja con ella. Acto seguido, retorna a la bolsa de dormir dispuesto a conciliar el sue�o, cuando la monja dice nuevamente:
“Padre, sigo teniendo mucho fr�o”.
El sacerdote, un tanto nervioso, repite la operaci�n anterior. Ni bien retorna nuevamente a la bolsa, ya pr�cticamente dormido, cuando lo interrumpe con lo mismo:
“Padre, me estoy congelando”.
Esta vez, el religioso no sale de su bolsa de dormir y habla, como pensando en voz alta:
“Hermana, tengo una idea. Estamos a muchos kil�metros de cualquier ser humano, alejados completamente de la civilizaci�n. �Por qu� no hacemos como si fu�ramos marido y mujer?”
“Por m� no hay problema”, contesta la religiosa con voz coqueta.
“�Entonces lev�ntate de la cama y b�scate tu propia manta!”, responde gritando el cura.
Daffy Goes Fishing
Daffy (a blonde duck) was a bit behind schedule. Winter had arrived already and she was just heading south. As she was flying above a small lake, she spotted a net and figured it was just as good a time as any to stop for a snack. Perhaps she could steal a fish before someone caught her. When she landed by the net, there was quite the commotion and she was hit . . . by the puck.
Hypothetical and reality?’
A little boy goes up to his father and asks: ‘Dad, what’s the difference
between hypothetical and reality?’
The father replies: ‘Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I
feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if
she’d have sex with the mailman for $500, 000.’
The boy goes and asks his mother: ‘Mom, would you have sex with the mailman
for $500, 000?’ The mother replies: ‘Hell yes I would!’
The little boy returns to his father: ‘Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!” The
father then says: ‘Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she’d have sex with
her principal for $500, 000.’
The boy asks his sister: ‘Would you have sex with your principal for $500,
000?’ The sister replies: ‘Hell yes I would!’
He returns to his father: ‘Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!” The father
answers: ‘Okay son, here’s the deal: Hypothetically, we’re millionaires, but in
reality, we’re just living with a couple of whores.’
Put on your seatbelt… I
Put on your seatbelt… I wanna try something.