a woman went to see her sex therapist because her marriage was going downhill, and she felt that se would save it, so the sex therapist gave her these pills which she said would help her husband get into the mood for sex, but only take one a night. so the woman took them home and gave her husband one. the next day she went and thatnked the therapist and asked what would happen if she gave he husband two pills, the sex thereapist said she didnt know, but she could try it and find out, so she did. the next day once again, she went back to thank the sex therapist, and asked what would happen if she gave her husband the remainder of the bottle, the therapist said she didnt know, but to try it and see. the next day a little boy went into the office, “are you the twat that gave my mum those pills?” asked the boy.”Yes.” replied the therapist, “how did it go?” to which the boy replied, “Well, my mum is dead, my sister is pregnant, my arse hurts, and my dad is ssat in the corner going, ‘here kitty kitty!”
Author: admin
Why did the blond pagan have………..
WARNING:If you are not pagan you will not get this joke note the diclaimer.
why did the blond pagan have a lasso
she wanted to draw down the moon
Dwarves
Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las
Vegas. At the hotel bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind
up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is
disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain
physical state that would enable him to join with his date.
His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room
he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE…HUH!” all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it
go?”
The first whispered back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply
couldn’t get it up, if you know what I mean.”
The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s
embarrassing?” He asked. “I couldn’t even jump up on the bed!”
You will be cursed: all your children will…
You will be cursed: all your children will look like you.
A cat’s work out
Cat fitness really can be fun. However, it is important to start any fitness program only when you feel like it. Don’t let a few extra pounds intimidate you into becoming more active. The most important aspect of fitness is: when to start the program. The best time is at about 2 a.m. The house is quiet; there are no distractions. The warm-up is critical. Cats are experts at stretching, so this won’t be a problem. Start with a few wind sprints, full speed, toenails clicking on the tile or linoleum floors. A few low but loud growls will help you feel charged up.
Now it is time to add some eye-paw coordination work. Find a marble (the big steelies work even better) and roll that down the floor as the sprints continue. See how many times you can ricochet it off the wallboards before it disappears under the fridge. Finally, work on that upper body strength. Climbing is a great exercise. Use draperies, macram� plant hangers, or clothing on hangers. You can even find some carpeting on some basement walls. Backs of chairs work well, too.
Now put it all together. A speed sprint to the end of the hall! A race around the living room! Leap to the back of the rocking chair! Let the rebound launch you to the top of the swinging planter! Rock that baby! Feel those muscles work. Just as the hook pulls loose from the ceiling, dash to the bedroom and dive under the covers. Establish your alibi just in time to hear the crash of the plant to the floor below.
Balogna
A piece of balogna walked into a bar, he asks for a drink. The bartender replies, “We don’t serve food here.”
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The look on Milosevic’s face when 16 one-ton bombs drop on his
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There are some things that money can’t buy… good thing military
superiority isn’t one of them. For the rest, there’s MasterCard, the
official card of the 19 member NATO alliance and those who believe that
sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.
YA Mamma What
Yo Mamma so fat she like a big mac Full of fat and only worth 1 buck
Pilot wanted
The sugar cane farm outside of Crowley Louisiana closes down and 2 Cajuns find
themselves out of work. They can’t find any work, so one of their friends
suggests they visit the state job office in Lafayette.
The job man asks Tibedeaux what he does for a living. Tibedeaux says, “I’m a
pilot�. The man says, “Oh good. We got lots of jobs for deem dare pilots. You go
sit over dere and we get you fixed right up.” Beaming, Tibedeaux goes to sit
down.
Next, the man asks Boudreaux the same question. Boudreaux say, “Well…
all I ever done is cut down dat sugar cane.” The man says, “Oh. Dat not so good.
Not a lot of sugar cane jobs dis year. I might not be able to help you.”
Boudreaux, he gets mad. He says, “Hey! You tell me you can’t help me but you
gonna fix my friend up over dere. What’s da matter wid you?”
The man replies that Tibeadeaux is a pilot. Boudreaux replies: “Well… if I
don’t cut it, how he gonna pile it, huh?”
UH-OH
How does a hooker know when to stop fucking?
When her partners breasts flash red…
MAKING THE TEAM
A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class.
The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Why are you
wearing a football jersey?”
She replied, “Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn’t I wear it?”
He said, “You’re not supposed to wear it unless you’ve made the team.”
“Oh,” she replied sweetly, “Who did I miss?”
Girls Night Oit
Two girls go out one weekend without their husbands and got somewhat inebriated.
Staggering on their way home, they both desperately need a wee and with no public toilets in sight the nearest venue was a cemetery, so they both ducked behind the fence to relieve themselves. After they’d
finished, the first woman took off her knickers to wipe herself and then
threw them away. The other woman, realising she was wearing some
very expensive knickers, didn’t want to throw hers away and so looked
around for something else and decided on using the ribbon off a nearby
wreath.
So now, feeling a lot better, they carried on with their stagger home.
The following morning the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone. One commented, “I think we need to start keeping a closer eye on our wives you know. I reckon they’re up to no good. My wife came home last night without any knickers on!”
The other one replied, “Tell me about it! If you think that’s bad, my wife
came home with a card stuck to her arse that read – “All the members of the District Fire Brigade will never forget you”.