Author: admin

Catholic Mothers Who Brag

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There were four Catholic mothers who were bragging about their
sons.

The first mother says, “My son he is a priest. When he walks in
a room people go ‘Good morning Father.'”

The second mother says, “Oh really? My son is a bishop. When he
walks into a room people say, ‘Hello Grace.'”

The third mother says, “Yeah well, my son is a cardinal. When he
walks in a room people say, ‘Good morning your imminence.'”

Now by this time the fourth mother has had it up to her eyebrows
with the other mothers bragging about their sons. So she says,
“Well, that’s really nice but my son is 6’2 tall, dark, and
handsome. When he walks into the room people go, ‘Oh My God!'”

37 Days

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A blonde walked into a bar. She sat down and started chanting, ” 37 days! 37 days!” The bartender asked what she was doing, but she didn’t answer, just kept chanting “37 days! 37 days!” Soon more blondes came in, all chanting “37 days! 37 days!” The bartender again asked what they were doing, and one of them held up a little kid’s bunny-rabbit jigsaw puzzle and said, ” The box says 2-4 years, but we put it together in 37 days!”

You just might be a graduate student if…

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…you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
…your office is better decorated than your apartment.
…you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
…you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
…you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
…you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
…everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
…you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
…you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
…there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider “yours.”
…you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
…you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
…you look forward to summers because you’re more productive without the distraction of classes.
…you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
…you consider all papers to be works in progress.
…professors don’t really care when you turn in work anymore.
…you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
…you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
…you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
…you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it’s a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
…you find yourself explaining to children that you are in “20th grade”.
…you start refering to stories like “Snow White et al.”
…you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy
…you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry
…you have more photocopy cards than credit cards
…you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as “personal communication”

Three Little Pigs

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs
to her class. she came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying
to accumulate the building materials for his home. she read, “…and so the pig
went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘pardon me sir,
but may i have some of that straw to build my house?'” the teacher paused then
asked the class, “and what do you think that man said?” one little boy raised
his hand and said, “i know”..he said ‘holy s***! a talking pig!'”

Parkinson’s Laws: First Law

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Parkinson’s Laws: First Law – Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. Second Law – Expenditures rise to meet income. Fourth Law – The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done. Law of Committees – The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item. Fifth Law – If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it. Sixth Law – Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.