A Infantry General was visiting troops in Europe. Since he was a General officer, and thus very important, he was given a chopper with a warrant officer to fly it to ferry him from unit to unit. They had been visiting units most of the day and the General came back to the chopper only to see the engine torn apart and the warrant deep in the inner workings of the chopper. The general asked the warrant what was wrong and the warrant, as warrants do, launched into an extremely complex and detailed technical explanation of exactly what was wrong with the engine. The general listened to him for a couple of minutes and then said “Stop! Now Chief, you’re paid for your technical expertise and skill, and its obvious you have that, but the other thing you need to do is to be able to communicate to others what’s wrong in terms they can understand. Now what I want you to do is to tell me what’s wrong with that chopper in words I can understand”. The warrant thought for a moment and then got a big grin on his face.”OK General”, he said, “I think I can do that.” Then the warrant officer turned around, pointed at the helicopter, and grunted “UGH, BROKE!”
Author: admin
Paddy was trapped in a
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly
wandered by.
“Help!” Paddy shouted, “Oi’m sinkin’!”
Don’t worry,” assured Mick. “Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the
strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.”
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled to no
avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, “Shure, an’ Oi
can’t do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi’ll have to get
some help.”
As Mick was leaving, Paddy called “Mick! Mick! D’ye think it will help
if I pull me feet out of the stirrups?”
Valentines’s day
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he’s doing.
“I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine’s Day cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Q: How many bureaucrats
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One to spot the burned-out bulb, his supervisor to authorize a requisition, a requisition typist, twelve clerks to file the requisition copies, a mail clerk to deliver the requisition to the purchasing department, a purchasing agent to order the bulb, a clerk to forward the purchasing order, a clerk to mail-order a receiving clerk to receive the bulb….
Who has the best dad?
There are two kids, a boy and a girl. The girl says to the boy my dad is better then yours. He runs into burning buildings and saves lives. The boy then states no my dad is better than yours. He eats light bulbs. Just the other night I heard him tell mom to turn out the light because he was gonna eat that thing.
A programmer comes to
A programmer comes to a piano-player to have a look at his new grand piano, walks around, hems and finally, says,
-the keyboard is inconvenient-84keys, half of them functional, all unmarked, though, to press ‘Shift’ with a foot is a fresh idea.
Yo Momma
Yo momma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Theodore!Thedore who?Theodore is
Knock KnockWho’s there?Theodore!Thedore who?Theodore is shut, please open it!
Ur mommas so fat
ur mommas so fat that when she sits down shes 3 ft taller
Rittle
Humpty Dumpty f@#ked a fat wh*@e Humpty dumpty fell on the floor All the kings horses and all the kings men Bent the bitch over and f@#ked her again
Janet Reno’s hard drive
Attorney General Janet Reno, in charge of the effort to indict Microsoft on anti-trust charges, disclosed in a press conference that she doesn’t understand or use personal computers, saying she never could differentiate what’s on the ‘hard drive’ vs. the ‘soft drive’…… Maybe that explains why she’s done such a lousy job on the Clinton sex scandal, too…
Why is it that when
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn
down the volume on the radio?