Author: admin

After a long discussion, a father agrees to let his son put him in a nursing home as long as the son calls each day to check on him. The first night, the old man becomes aroused while a nurse is giving him a bath and she takes care of it for him.

The next day the son calls and his dad says, “Oh, don’t worry about me son. This is a great place…I love it here.”

That evening an orderly is helping the old man into bed but he falls and as he is on his hands and knees trying to get up, the orderly mounts him and violates him.

The next morning the son calls and is surprised to hear his father crying and begging to go home. “Dad, what could have happened to change your mind so quickly?”

“Son, it’s like this,” his father explains, “I only get aroused once a year, but I fall down nearly every day.”

Dear Abby,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,

I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his.

Dear Abby,

I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,

I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,

My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’tknow he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,

Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn’t and he finally did it.

Dear Abby,

My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.

Dear Abby,

Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.

Dear Abby,

My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like?

–Carol

Dear Carol,

Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie

Dear Abby,

Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?

— Wondering

Dear Wondering,

The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

Dear Abby,

I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is seventy-three and he’s still chasing women. Any suggestions?

— Annie

Dear Annie,

Don’t worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.

Dear Abby,

I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?

— Sam

Dear Sam,

Yes. Run for public office.

Dear Abby,

What inspires you most to write?

— Ted

Dear Ted,

The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

Dear Abby,

I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.

— Rose

Dear Rose,

So would I

Dear Abby,

What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress?

— Bess

Dear Bess, Night and day.

What is the difference between an Italian grandmother
and a Jewish grandmother?

One says, “If you don’t eat, I’ll kill you,” and the
other says, “If you don’t eat, I’ll kill myself.”