Author: admin

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.George W. approached the man and inquired, “Aren’t you Moses?”The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.George W. positioned himself more directly in the man’s view and asked again, “Aren’t you Moses?”The man continued to peruse the ceiling.George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once again, “Aren’t you Moses?”The man finally responded in an irritated voice, “Yes I am.”George W. asked him why he was so uppity.Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!”

Bumper stickers seen this weekend …..

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
I have the body of a god……..Buddha.
This would be really funny if it weren’t happening to me.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
The face is familiar but i can’t quite remember my name.
Illiterate? Write for help.
Honk if anything falls off.
He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
This isn’t my idea of a good time.
It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.
This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.
I haven’t lost my mind it’s backed up on disk somewhere.
Oh, evolve!
Gone crazy be back shortly.
If you’re not outraged you’re not paying attention.

La maestra de Pepito est� preguntando a sus alumnos si saben qui�n fue el autor de algunas frases c�lebres que ella les dice, evitando obviamente a Pepito por sus respuestas groseras.

“A ver, ni�os, �qui�n dijo: despacio que voy de prisa?”

Pepito se deshace, grita, brinca, chifla… Pero la maestra le pregunta a Jaimito y �ste contesta:

“�Napole�n!”

La maestra vuelve a preguntar:

“�Qui�n dijo: el respeto al derecho ajeno es la paz?”

Pepito grita y la busca, le pide la palabra, pero la maestra lo evita y le pregunta a Lalito:

“�Qui�n fue?”

Lalito responde:

“!Benito Juarez!”

Y as� se pasa la clase, Pepito queriendo contestar y la maestra evit�ndolo.

Al terminarse la clase, Pepito frustrado le grita enfrente de todo el sal�n:

“�Qu� vieja tan mamona!”

La maestra ofendida se voltea y grita:

“��Qui�n dijo eso, qui�n dijo eso!?”

Y Pepito le contesta con mucho orgullo:

“�Clinton, maestra, Clinton!”

Va un tipo a un putiadero y pide que le den una puta, le responden que ya no hay. El tipo dice “�c�mo?, denme aunque sea la sirvienta.”

“Bueno, pero le advierto que tiene tres tetas.”

“Bueno, eso no importa.”

Cuando est� en el cuarto la puta se quita el brasier y el tipo dice: “uy, es cierto que tiene tres tetas.”

El tipo le coge las de las esquinas y chupa la de el centro.

A la otra semana va otra vez al putiadero y dice que le den la puta de tres tetas… cuando est� en el cuarto la puta se quita el brasier y el tipo dice “uy �por qu� ya no tienes tres tetas?”

La puta responde:

“�Ah, el barro ya se me quit�!”

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. ”It’s free,” St. Peter replied, ”this is Heaven.” Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home was located. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, ”What are the green fees?” St. Peter replied, ”This is heaven, you play for free.” Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the World laid out. ”How much to eat?” asked the old man. ”Don’t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!” St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. ”Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, ”That’s the best part – you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.” With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, ”This is all your fault! If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”

Q.What do you call a spaniard with a stolen
car?
A.Carlos