Your mommas so fat hat when she bends over astronomers think its a black hole.
Author: admin
OBJECTS IN MIR IS CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
After intensive investigation on both the Soviet and US parts, spokespersons
from both space agencies have determined the cause for the accident, which has
placed the station and its resident personnel in jeopardy. In terse statements
at a recent press conference, Soviet and US space agency spokespersons said
Thursday We have concluded joint investigations concerning this potentially
tragic accident and each nations’ team, separately, has arrived at identical
conclusions for this incident. The accident was caused by one thing and one
thing only…
Bin Laden’s Surprise
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There he is greeted by George Washington. “How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on Osama’s knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, “This is not what I was promised!” An angel replies: “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual…
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee
listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
“There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the
streets.” Ole got up from his coffee and replies “Jeez, okay.”
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
morning coffee and the weather forecast is, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.” Ole got up from his coffee and replies, “Jeez, okay.”
Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
coffee and the weather forecast is, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…” and then the power went out and Ole didn’t get the rest of the instructions.
He says to Lena, “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?”
Lena replies, “Aw, Ole, yust leave the car in the garage.”
Busted Blonde
Three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss, Ms. Taylor, left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that when their boss left, they would all leave early too. The next day, when their boss left, they did too. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick workout before her dinner date. The Blonde went home, walked into her bedroom, and saw her husband in bed with her boss. So she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head talked about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. “No,” she says, “yesterday I nearly got caught!”
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.You’ve
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.You’ve got more guns “On Display” than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
The Top 16 Surprises at a Nudist Restaurant
16> Let’s just say that getting wasabi in your eye isn’t the
worst thing that can happen.
15> Sizzling hot-plate dishes served with a side of aloe.
14> Who knew all the chefs at Benihana were Jewish?
13> Turns out silicone repels drawn butter, making lobster bibs
unnecessary.
12> Their claim for “Best Sticky Buns in Town” refers to their
vinyl seats.
11> Paris Hilton banned from entering. Hey, they’ve
got to maintain *some* standards.
10> The cook steadfastly refuses to budge from his “no bacon”
rule.
9> You’d be amazed how many straws and extra napkins a
waitress can tuck into a fat roll.
8> The waiters all wear thong hairnets.
7> Surprisingly,
it’s easier to choke down snails when you’ve got boobs to look at.
6> “Waiter, there’s soup in my hair!” frequently heard
throughout the evening.
5> When you take out your credit card to pay, the
cashier bends over and asks you to swipe it.
4> The napkin goes *under* your lap.
3> Waiters no longer have to take the soup back to the
kitchen in order to get their revenge.
2> Thanks to its extended “sneeze” guard, the salad
bar looks like the popemobile.
1> “I beg your pardon, sir — I thought you were
signaling for the check.”
[ The Top 5 List
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[ Copyright 2005 by Chris
White ]
Yo momma is so……..
yo momma is so big fat and clumsy when she tried to go to wal-mat she tripped over k-mart and landed on target
Under The Truck
A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.
His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.
Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.
“Doctor, I can’t seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can’t satisfy her. What can I do?”
The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, “Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you’ll find that you’ll last longer and ultimately satisfy her.”
“Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help.”
Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.
“Be prepared, my darling. I’m going to ravish you,” she cooed over the phone.
Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor’s advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?
He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.
A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his “therapy”.
A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, “Yes?”
“Sir, I’m with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?” said the officer.
“Yes, officer, I’m inspecting my truck’s rear axle,” he replied confidently.
“Well, why don’t you check the brakes while you’re down there.
Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago.”
Blonde shopping
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?”
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,”That’s not a TV — it’s a microwave!”
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
There are only two forces
There are only two forces that unite men, fear and self-interest…Napoleon