There is no problem so large that it cannot be solved by the application of a correctly chosen thermonuclear device.
Author: admin
Some cute want-ads!
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED…
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
FREE PUPPIES:
PART COCKER SPANIEL –
PART SNEAKY NEIGHBOR’S DOG
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
BILL’S SEPTIC CLEANING
“WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS”
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT…
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
GEORGIA PEACHES
– CALIFORNIA GROWN –
89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
COMMUNITY HEADLINE:
ALZHEIMER’S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER!
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
Country Lane
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”
“No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole”
Q: How many Contract
Q: How many Contract Bridge players does it take to change a Light Bulb?A: Five. One to change it; their partner to stare at them in complete confusion; one opposing player to ask the partner what they think the changer means by this; the other opponent to complain to the tournament director that there was a deliberate hesitation before the light bulb was changed; and the tournament director to agree and have the old bulb put back in.
Help stories from Tech Support
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn”t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the computer”s mouse.
Bush Fans
There’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, “I’m not a bush fan.” The teacher says, “Why aren’t you a bush fan?” Johnny says, “I’m an Al Gore fan” The teacher asks why he’s an Al Gore fan. The boy says, “Well, my mom’s an Al Gore fan and my dad’s an Al Gore fan, so I’m an Al Gore fan!” The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, “What if you’re mom was a moron and you’re dad was an idiot, what would that make you?” Johnny says, “That would make me a Bush fan.”
Is That Your Face?
Is that your face or did your neck throw up?
Groom’s Blow Job
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by
the altar and the best man notices the groom has the biggest,
brightest smile on his face. The best man says, “Hey man, I know
you are happy to be getting married, but what’s up? You look so
excited!”
The groom replies, “I just had the best blowjob I have ever had
in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave
it to me.”
Now the bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the
biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honor notices
this and says, “Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be
getting married, but what’s up? You look so excited!”
The bride replies, “I have just given the last blow job of my
entire life.”
Greek wedding
Why do they have Feta cheese at a Greek wedding? To keep the flies off the bride!
Musician joke
Q: What’s musical and handy in a supermarket?A: A Chopin Liszt.
pilsberry dough boy
why did the pilsberry dough boy die?
because of severe pokes in the belly.
Trombone joke
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.