Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.The Question: What do women really want?Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he’d have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur as horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur’s question:What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur’s life and granted him total freedom.What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached.Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she’d been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament:During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?What would you do?What Gawain chose follows below, but don’t read until you’ve made your own choice……………………………………………………….Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself!Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.Isn’t that beautiful?But really now, what is the moral of this story?If you don’t respect women, things are gonna get ugly!
Author: admin
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells…
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him “Father, I have a
problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one
thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired.
They say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
“You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two
male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage
with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and
worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying ……that phase
….. in no time.”
“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the
solution.” The next day , she brought her female parrots to the
priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she
walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the
female
parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to
have some fun?”
There was stunned silence. Finally one male parrot looked over at the
other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the fucking beads away, Francis,
our prayers have been answered!!”
Tickle Me Elmo
A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made “Tickle me Elmo dolls”. It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn’t keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.
The boss could not control his laughter and said, “Lady, I said to give each doll Two—-Test—-Tickles.”
A gay joke
Two gay guys, Larry and Casey, lived together.One day, it was really hot and Larry came home and found Casey with his ass in the freezer.Larry exclaimed,”Casey, what the hell are you doing with your ass in the freezer?!?”Casey replied, “It’s so hot outside that I thought you would like something cool to slip into.”
Whos driving?
There was an American and a british guy in a car whos driving?
THE COPS!
To invent the other side
Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
A: To invent the other side.
You Are What You Eat
One Halloween, Anthony and his friend Stephen been walkin
the main street with plans to egg places and people. None had
the gusts to throw an egg, but just because nothing was going
on, Stephen spoke up and said, “Hey Anthony, why aren’t you
throwin any eggs? Are ya scared?”
“Scared of what?” Anthony snapped back.
“Aw, you’re scared. Man, you’re a pussy I swear.” Shot back
Stephen.
“Your are what you it right? I guess that makes you shit,”
Anthony replied as he threw an egg at Stephen’s face.
Two lions
Two lions were lying around in the jungle. One of them his licking his asshole.The other lion asked him, “Why are you licking your asshole?”The second lion replied, “Aww, I just ate a lawyer and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth.”
Bill’s Last Gift to Monica
What was Bill Clinton’s last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.
Despu�s de un largo recorrido,
Despu�s de un largo recorrido, llega una mujer a ver al brujo de la regi�n.
“�Por favorcito, h�game aste’ el favor de ir conmigo a ver a mi Tata, ya est� muy viejito y no puede venir desde el rancho hasta ac� y est� muy enfermito!”
“�Pero ‘onde lo va ust� a creer… tengo mucha gente, no puedo!
“�Andele, no sea malito, si no qu� hago, ni modo que deje morir a mi Tata!”
“Pos… mire, le voy a dar el remedio, pero lo tienen que seguir al pie de la letra, todo lo que yo diga lo tienen que hacer pero toditito al pie de la letra…”
“�Lo que ust� me diga con tal de curar a mi Tata!”
El brujo le explica a la mujer todo lo que ten�a que hacer con el viejito y despu�s de asegurarse de que le hab�a entendido, le insiste en que tiene que ser al pie de la letra.
Como pas� el tiempo y la se�ora no regres�, el brujo fue a verla un d�a a su casa.
“Buenas tardes… �Y qu� pas� con su Tata, ya se cur�?”
“�Nooo, fig�rese ast�’ que se nos muri�!”
“�Pero c�mo!, �qu� no le hicieron lo que le dije?”
“�Claro que s�, al pie de la letra como ast�’ dijo!”
“Y entonces �c�mo fue que se muri�?”
“Pos ver�, primero cortamos unas ramas de ruda y cmo ast�’ dijo, las dejamos serenar y aluego se las pasamos por toditito el cuerpo, aluego le untamos el aceitito que nos dio, y aluego, como ast� dijo, lo empezamos a sobar con un huevo, primero iba bien, pero ya cuando le llev�bamos el huevo estirado hasta el ombligo, pos nom�s dio un grito y ai qued� mi Tata…”
Fudd’s First Law of Opposition:
Fudd’s First Law of Opposition: Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
One wish
Once a very rich man and his dog were sailing at sea. Suddenly a very severe storm lashed at the boat and gale force winds tossed the fragile boat. After many days the sea dumped them both onto an uninhabited island. The boat was completely smashed . The deserted island was barren except for many bones, a freshwater lake, and some cats.
The man became extremely depressed as he realised that rescue from the remote island was not likely. He missed the life he had left behind. He kept remembering his grand mansion, the luxury cars, the exotic restaurants and all the partying.
In contrast to him, his dog was loving the life on the island. There were hundreds of bones to chew , nice cool freshwater to drink and even dozens of cats to chase.
The man, however, was feeling more and more down and was missing his previous fantastic life. Then after many years, just as things looked hopeless, their fortunes changed dramatically .While playing on the beach, the dog found a magic lamp and quickly took it to his master. With great joy the man vigorously rubbed the lamp and a Genie popped out. After stretching himself the Genie spoke;
“I was trapped for three thousand years and thanks to the two of you I am finally free. As a gesture of my gratitude , I will grant ONE wish to each of you.”
The Genie went to the man first;
“What is your one wish? Think carefully since this is the only wish I can grant you.”
The man, running around with joy said;
” What is there to think ! Send me back to my luxury mansion. My life will be back to normal. I can already think of a good restaurant to go for dinner. After that I will….”
As the man was talking there was a “POOF!” and he disappeared back to his previous life of luxury.
The Genie then went to the dog;
“What is your one wish? Think carefully since this is the only wish I can grant you.”
Unlike the man, the dog thought a lot;
” I really can’t complain. There are plenty of bones to chew on and a lot of freshwater to drink. The cats are a joy to chase and the weather is great. I suppose the only thing is that this island is a bit lonely, specially after my master left. I wish he was here…”
“POOF!”
The man reappeared on the island and having granted the wishes, the Genie vanished.
Submitted by DogtoGod.com