What has ears but can’t hear?
An ear of corn!
Author: admin
Deshaci�ndose del gato Toda angustiada,
Deshaci�ndose del gato
Toda angustiada, una mujer se dirige con su amiga y le comenta que el gato que compr� la tiene harta. La amiga le sugiere deshacerse de �l dej�ndolo en el basurero municipal. Al d�a siguiente, la mujer regresa nuevamente triste. Intrigada, la amiga le pregunta que qu� hab�a pasado con el gato y �sta le contesta:
“�El maldito gato volvi� a la casa y no se perdi�!”
“Esta vez vas al basurero y m�s adelante vas a encontrar un lago; dale dos vueltas y d�jalo en el �rbol que est� junto al lago. Ver�s que el gato no vuelve m�s a tu casa”.
Al d�a siguiente llega nuevamente triste:
“�El maldito gato regres� a la casa!”
“Bueno, esta vez te vas al basurero y sigues hasta el lago; le das dos vueltas y llegas al �rbol; pasas por el puente y te metes por el t�nel que hay all�. Al salir, bajas las escaleras que te llevan al zool�gico; das treinta pasos y sales por la puerta de emergencia; lo dejas en el pozo y ver�s que el gato no vuelve m�s a la casa”.
Al otro d�a cuando llega la amiga, curiosa la mujer le pregunta:
“�Qu� pas�?”
“Si no es por el maldito gato… �Me pierdo!”
Bill Gates In Hell
Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.”
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says “I’ll take this option.”
“Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
“That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all?”
“That’s what everyone thinks,” snickered Satan. “But the bottle has a hole in it!”
“Why the PC?”, he continued “, “It’s got the latest version of Windows and it’s missing three keys!”
“Which three?” said Lucifer.
“Control, Alt and Delete!”
Twice a week
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling.
They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
“What seems to be the problem?”
The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counselor spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”
The husband scratched his head and replied…”I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates…
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells
them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh,
that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats
turkey, and are thankful…”
“Wrong!,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same
question, “What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday
in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the
birth of Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her
she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
“What is Easter?”
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know
what Easter is.” “Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously. “Easter is the
Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of
Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus
was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples.
The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to
wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his
hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large
boulder.”
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that
Jesus can come out… and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more
weeks of winter.”
Drunk hung over
that guy is so hung over that a hang nail would say dam
“I used to live for
“I used to live for sex
Now I’d die for some”
Twins
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
Siamese twins
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci
Q: How many Romanians
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. Ceaucescu restricted them to use only one 40 watt bulb per family to save electricity.
The Perfect Day According to HIM
10:00 Wake Up
10:02 Oral Sex
10:10 Big Breakfast
11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
2:15 Enormous lunch
3:15 Oral Sex
3:25 Play sports with the guys
4:30 Drink beer with the guys
5:30 Meet Claudia Schiffer
5:40 Oral Sex
6:50 Huge dinner, more beer
11:00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex
11:10 Sleep
The world’s smartest man?
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. “There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us,” he announced. “Since I’m the pilot, I get one!” After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.”I’m the world’s greatest athlete,” proclaimed Michael Jordon. “This world needs great athletes, so I must live.” Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.”I’m the smarest man in the world,” bragged Bill Gates. “The world needs smart men, so I must also live!” Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.At this point, the Pope began to speak. “I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.””You don’t have to stay here! The world’s smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack.”
A good dumb blonde joke
one day a brunnet a redhead and a blonde were stranded on an island becouse there car stopped so they started to look around to see if they could find a way out so the brunnet took some food the redheadhed took some water and the dumb blonde took the car door the redhead and the blonde asked the brunnet why she took some food she said; ii case i get hungry and the brunnet and the dumb blonde asked the redhead why she brought water she answered; in case i get thirsty and so the brunnet and the redhead turned around and asked the dumb blonde why she took the car door and she answered; in case i get hot.