What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A full set of teeth.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Author: admin
Still a Virgin?
A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom ask how was his day
was. He replies, “I had sex with my teacher today.”
“Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait for your father to get home!” says
the mom.
Awhile later the father comes home and the mom says, “Go up to your son’s
room and talk to him, he’s been really bad today.
Dad goes up to his son’s room and asks why mom is so mad. “I told her that
I had sex with my teacher today,” replied the boy.
“Alright! That’s my boy!”, says dad. “Ya know son, women just don’t think
like men. But I’m proud of you. What are you now, about 13, right? Wow.
That’s my son! Ya know what? I’m so proud of you I’m gonna take you out
and buy you that new bike you’ve been wanting!”
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike
in the whole town. “You gonna ride it home son?” asks dad.
The boy replied, ” Nah, my ass is still sore.”
Un tipo va en una
Un tipo va en una visita guiada a una f�brica que produce diferentes productos de l�tex. En la primera parada le muestran la m�quina que fabrica los chupetes de los biberones. La m�quina hace un ruidoso ‘Hishhh-Pop’, ‘Hishhh-Pop’, ‘Hishhh-Pop’.
“El ‘Hishhh’ es el caucho que es inyectado en el molde”, explica la gu�a. “El ‘Pop’ es la aguja que crea un agujero en el extremo del chupete”.
M�s adelante, el viaje alcanza la parte de la f�brica donde se hacen los profil�cticos (condones). Aqu� la m�quina hace un ‘Hishhh’, ‘Hishhh’, ‘Hishhh’, ‘Hishhh-Pop’.
“�Espere un minuto!”, dice nuestro visitante. “Entiendo cual es el ‘Hishhh’ ‘Hishhh’ ‘Hishhh’, pero �qu� es ese ‘Pop’ tan a menudo?”
“Oh, es lo mismo que en la m�quina de los chupetes de biber�n: crea un agujero cada cuatro condones”.
“Pero… eso, �es una mariconada!”
“Efectivamente, pero… �Es buen�simo para el negocio de los chupetes!”
Only One?
Q: What do you call a guy with one testicle?
A: The una baller
Only Down South
YOUNG Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave’s porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave spied his prize bull doing the `usiness on one of his cows.
He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “Mabel, I’d sure like to be doing what that bull is doing.”
“Well then, why don’t you? “Mabel whispered back. “It is YOUR cow.”
Potato
There were three girls: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. They were running from the cops, when they ran to a farm and hid, the cops closely on their trail.
The brunette hid with the ducks. The redhead hid with the cows. And the blonde hid with potatoes.
The cops looked in the ducks’ pen and the brunette said, “Quack, quack, quack…”
The cops then looked into the cows’ area and the redhead said, “Moooooo…”
Finally, the cops looked in the the potato patch and the blonde said, “Potatoooooo…”
Harry Butt
There was once was a blonde woman who had just bought a house.
She called it Harrybutt.
She had a child and named in Crack.
She lost Crack and couldn’t find him.
So she called the police and said, ” I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldn’t find my crack!”
Making new brother
One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water…. while walking past his parents he was forced to stop and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to mommy. The dad simply replied mmmm� just making your brother Johnny �..go back to bed. The next day when the dad got home from work he found Johnny crying on the stoop ….he asked Johnny what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new brother
You might be a Redneck if..
You might be a redneck if you have more than one living relative named after a
southern civil war general.
Your Mama vs. Water Buffalo
Whats the difference between your mama and a water buffalo?
About 25 pounds.
How do you even it out?
Either force feed the water buffalo, or shave your mama.
The Top 15 Bad Things About Having Your Life Broadcast on the Internet
15. Women write in to reassure you that it’s no big deal and that it happens to lots of men.
14. Cashiers refuse to accept your URL as photo ID.
13. It’s no longer just your small circle of friends who know that you have no life.
12. You’ve just committed a murder and now you’ve got to kill all those pesky witnesses.
11. Ex-boyfriends always seem to know exactly which of their shirts and CDs you still have.
10. You get the eerie feeling you’re being watched, even before you start doing bong hits.
9. Much harder to juggle both boyfriends *and* the girlfriend.
8. New higher resolution monitors compel more frequent dusting and vacuuming.
7. Faked orgasms now subject to critiques by impartial observers.
6. Email from strangers telling you you’ll go blind from doing that.
5. The whole damn family logs on right when you start wrapping the Christmas presents.
4. You’re playing solitaire, the phone rings, and it’s some geek saying, “Play the red jack on the black queen.”
3. The “visiting a sick friend” excuse doesn’t quite work when millions of people know that you were really playing Freecell in your jammies.
2. Web-savvy Jehovah’s Witnesses aren’t fooled when you don’t answer the door.
1. Rip-off artists in Toledo are living the exact same life as you without giving you credit.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Saint Patrick’s
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor swaying. FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress. ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up, latch yourself to bar. SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark. FAULT: The Bar is closing. ACTION: Panic. SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see your bedroom. FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter. ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.