One day OJ simpson was going to California. Well, when he reached
California he got to stay in a hotel and live like a fancey and rich
person. At this time it was the time he was convicted of being a murderer.
No one in the state knew that he was there, but when they found out where
OJ was in California, all the citizens changed there area code to 911!
Author: admin
How it Happens
In the beginning was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the workers.
And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, “this is crock of s***, and it
stinks.”
And the workers went unto their supervisors and said, “it is a pail of dung,
and we can’t live with the smell.”
And the supervisors went unto their managers, saying, “it is a container of
excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it.”
And the managers went unto their directors, saying, “it is a vessel of
fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”
And the director�s spoke between himself and herself, saying to one another,
“it contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.”
And the directors went to the vice presidents, saying unto them, “it promotes
growth, and it is very powerful.”
And the vice presidents went to the president, saying unto him, “this new plan
will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful
effects.”
And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy.
And that, my friends, is how s*** happens.
Yuppie pregnant women don’t go
Yuppie pregnant women don’t go into labor, they go straight into management.
If idiots could fly, this
If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport.
Yo mama’s So Stupid
Yo’ mama so stupid, she bought a glass door with a peephole.
Potato Speedo
A blonde American man went to Paris to a beach and saw all these
beautiful women walking around yet none of them would even look
at him. He was a pretty good looking guy so he didn’t see what
was wrong. He asked his interpreter what he was doing wrong.
The interpreter told him to get the smallest Speedo he could
find and wear it to the beach tomorrow. He got the Speedo and
wore it to the beach. Still nothing. He asked the interpreter
what else to do. The interpreter said to get a potatoe and stick
it down the Speedo. He ran down the street to the store and
bought a potato. He put it down the Speedo and went back to the
beach.
But this time people were staring at him and some laughing. He
went back to the interpreter and said, “I’ve done everything you
said, only now they’re laughing at me. Whats wrong!”.
“Sir, you were supposed to put the potato down the front of the
Speedo!”
A preacher was telling his congregation that…
A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think
of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the
entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said “Preacher, I
don’t believe the Bible mentions PMS”.
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and
that he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman
aside and showed her a passage which read, “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass
all the way to Bethlehem.”
Airlines running operating systems
Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different
operating systems running them.
DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till
it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.
DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.
Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the
same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are
told you don’t need to know, don’t want to know and everything will be done for
you without your knowing, so just shut up.
OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times
by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want
your seating arranged–with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger
train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a
wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have
time to say your prayers before you crash.
Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy access to
a plane, and an uneventful takeoff. Then, all in a sudden, boom! You blow up
without any warning whatsoever.
NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane
uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare.
Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want
and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach
tickets can’t even get aboard.
Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway and
piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane they’re
building.
CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13
airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain
hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don’t need to know where the airplane is or who
it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don’t fly the airplane itself;
you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you don’t
go anywhere. But that’s okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you
never need to leave home.
Oops
Three celebrities – Shaggy, Justin Timberlake, and Britney Spears – were all in an elvator and they some one farted.
Sshaggy said “it wasn’t me”. Justin says “bye bye bye”. Britney says “opps I did it again”
The next day they were all in a hot tub and there were bubbles everywhere. Shaggy says “it wasn’t me”. Justin says “bye bye bye”. Britney says “stronger than yesterday”.
“Abuelita, �qu� es un amante?”
“Abuelita, �qu� es un amante?”
De pronto, la viejita deja sus palitos de tejer, suspende el balanceo de su mecedora, abre los ojos como recordando algo y echa a correr escaleras arriba, hacia el viejo almac�n de la casa. Una vez all� se precipita corriendo hacia el antiguo ropero de roble, abre la puerta de �ste… � Y cae al suelo un esqueleto totalmente calato!
Jokes
what kinds of jokes does this website give?…STUPID WEIRD AND NOT FUNNY JOKES!!!
Yo mama is so bald
Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind