A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming
around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She goes back to find
out what’s up. He’s quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently
been circumcised and he’s quite itchy.
The teacher has him go down to the principal’s office, to phone his mom, and
ask her what he should do about it.
He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly,
there’s a general commotion at the back of the room.
Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis
hanging out. “I thought I told you to call your mom,” she says.
“I did,” he says�, and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon,
she’d come and pick me up from school�.
Author: admin
Brick
In a class, a teacher showed the students a brick and said,”Now everybody will
tell me what you think about when you see this brick.””I think of our heroic
toilers who build communism using such bricks,” one student said.
“Good. Now you, Sveta.”
“I think about our heroic forefathers who used such bricks as a weapon when
they fought on barricades during the Revolution.”
“Very good. Now you, Peter.”
“I think of a cunt.”
“And why, permit me to ask, are you thinking of such a thing when I
specifically showed you this brick?”
“I just always think of it.”
Hidden Message
There is a pond, and above this pond there is a fly. Underneath the water there is a fish who sees the fly and says to himself: “you know…if that fly lands on that water, I’m gonna get me that fly”
Standing on the shore of the pond is a bear who says to himself: “you know…if that fly lands on the water and that fish jumps out and gets that fly…I’m gonna get me that fish.”
Standing off behind a tree is a hunter who sees the bear and thinks to himself: “you know…if that fly lands on the water and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets that fish…I’m gonna shoot me that bear.”
Hanging out of the hunter’s back pocket is a half of a sandwich. Standing behind the hunter is a mouse who says to himself: “you know…if that fly lands on that water and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets the fish and that hunter shoots that bear…the sandwich might fall out of his pocket and I’ll get me that sandwich.”
Standing off behind the mouse is a cat who says to himself: “you know…if that fly lands on the water and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets the fish and the hunter shoots the bear and the sandwich falls out of the hunter’s pocket and the mouse gets the sandwich…I’m gonna get me that mouse.”
Well sure enough the fly lands on the water and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets the fish and hunter shoots the bear and the sandwich falls out of the hutner’s pocket and the mouse gets the sandwich and the cat lunges for the mouse but misses(!) and rolls down the hill and lands in the lake.
MORAL OF THE STORY…A LOTTA SHIT HAS TO HAPPEN FOR THE PUSSY TO GET WET!!!
Gordon’s Warranty Law: All
Gordon’s Warranty Law: All warranty clauses expires upon bill payment.
Freezing my Penis
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old pen buggy one cold,
blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, “My hands are
freezing cold.” The mother replied, “Put your hands between your legs. The
body heat will warm them up.” So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughte rwas riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The
boyfriend said, “My hands are freezing cold.” The daughter replied, “Put
them between my legs, they’ll warm up.”
The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, “My nose is freezing cold.” The daughter replied, “Put
it between my legs. It will warm up.” He did, and his nose warmed up.
The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and
he said, “My penis is frozen solid.”
The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and
she says to her mother, “Have you ever heard of a penis?” The slightly
concerned mother says, “Sure, why do you ask?” The daughter says, “Well,
they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!”
Female Astronauts
Why is it good that we now have female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
Mixed Emotions
Q: Do you know what the height of mixed emotions is?
A: Watching your mother-in- law go over a cliff in your brand-new Mercedes.
Stupid Bears
The Bears were trailing the Packers 42-0 when the Bears wide reicever said we need to score a touchdown quick to get back in this when suddenly the quarterback says What the heck is a touchdown?
Knock KnockWho’s there?Hope!Hope who?Hope you’ll
Knock KnockWho’s there?Hope!Hope who?Hope you’ll have me!
Mama joke
your mamas so old she oes Jesus two dollars!
Mutated Gene
All children who entered the world in the 1980s and later were born with a special mutated gene that enables them to know which buttons to push on electronic gadgets.
Right Techno X-Mas Gift
Are you having a hard time finding the right gift for the computer addict whose PC has everything? Not another Dilbert necktie, or King’s Quest XLVIII. Try one of these:
– CD-ROM rewinder. (For blondes only.)
– Virtual reality beer.
– NoseBlaster smell card — the latest in multi-media technology. The deluxe version comes with direct-feed nostril tubes for the ultimate in virtual olfactory experience.
– True-Type font modeled on my handwriting. The last word in non-reversible encryption. (May not be exported from the country.)
– 72-inch monitor.
– 20-foot mouse extension cord
– a must for the 72-inch monitor.
– Michael Jackson-to-Michael Jackson Morph screen saver — endless variations.
– Bedpan — Why leave your computer just for that? (Not for use with NoseBlaster.)
– The secret to what this emoticon means – }:{o