An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer–you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
Author: admin
People with no arms and no legs
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that is…..
hangin on the wall ….ART what do you call
arts arms and kegs hangin next to him….
peices of art
Out in the middle of the ocean…BOB what do
you call bob being pulled in by a boat-SKIP
In the middle of a pile of leaves-Russel
Man in the middle ofa desert-FUCKED
WANT MORE JOKES E-mail me at [email protected]
Blonde witness
Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
“Easy,” she replied. “He only has one eye.”
The chief was stunned. “He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!” He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.
“He only has one ear,” was her answer.
“What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!” He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, “How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.”
After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, “He’s wearing contact lenses.”
This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn’t tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, “How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!”
“Well,” she said, “he can’t wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?”
Limo
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
Hid the gold
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife.
“I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant it?”
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter, “Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the gold.”
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife. “You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the back garden!”
The prisoner wrote another letter: “Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.”
Blonde Horse Ride
This blonde had a near death experience the other day.
She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.
She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn’t stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.
She started screaming, and was in great pain.
Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.
Piano for Mother
My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.”Oh,” said My Dad, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.””How come?” I asked.”Well,” he answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing….”
Michael Jackson
Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
A: He was choking on a small bone!
Your Momma is…
Your momma is like a doorknob – everyone gets a turn!
Professor’s Brain
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a
discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the
following logic:
“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke.
“Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke.
“Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody spoke for the
third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission
to reply. Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the
professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the
following questions of his classmates:
“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.
“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?” Again,
silence.
“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”
When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded,
“Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that
our professor has no brain!”
New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
At the time of writing, Microsoft’s slogan for Windows 95 was “Where do you want to go today?” These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.13. OS/2. Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.
Indians and WalMart
Why do Indians get offended whenever they go to WalMart?
Because on the back of the worker’s vests it says HOW may I help you.