Yours Fun Portal !
A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”
The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”
The cowboy replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too if you had what I have.”
The bartender says “Oh Dear! What is it? What do you have?”
“I have…………….. only fifty cents!”
your blank is big
hi mi name is murry
cool great i suck
mghaz hghjsalanmam
that was mi lil bro
this joke is funy
yo momma is so dumb
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
They say you can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends,
but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.
Why not?
Mirrors are female because none of their reflections are really their own.
Stamps are female because men like to lick them, stick them, and then send them away.
Windows are male because they’re a pane, and because you can see through them.
Shit is male because the older it gets, the easier it is to pick up.
You know you are addicted to the Internet when…
You kiss your girlfriend’s home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster par connection to the net: 28.8…ISDN…cable modem…T1…T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as “Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you’ve never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else’s links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem.
You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don’t know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he’s had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can’t use the computer because “Daddy’s got work to do” and you don’t even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: “The computer cannot come to bed.”
You get a tattoo that says “This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01or higher.”
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP…because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage…so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the “back” button.
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans. What’ll it be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?”
“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing. The week’s a freebie.”
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
“Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”
“Why?” asketh the Lord.
St. Peter answered, “He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”
A BLONDE WAS SWERVING ALL OVER THE PLACE THE OTHER DAY, WHEN A COPPER PULLED HER OVER, HE SAID “WHY ARE YOU DRIVING SO RECKLESSLY” THE BLONDE SAID “EVERYWHERE I DRIVE THERE IS A TREE IN MY WAY” THE COPPER ANSWERED “THATS YOUR AIR FRESHENER LUV”.
There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he’ll tell him later.
So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says,
‘Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.’
‘OK,’ says the guy.
He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,
‘You have one wish.’
The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.
He tells the barman,
‘Hey, I didn’t want a million ducks.’
The barman replies, ‘You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?’
Una anaconda decidi� dedicarse a la prostituci�n: har�a comercio con su cuerpo.
“Fracasar�s, no podr�s resistir la tentaci�n de devorar a tus clientes”, le dijo otra serpiente.
“Te equivocas”.
Lleg� el primer cliente: un conejito gordo y apetitoso. Hambrienta por varios d�as de ayuno la v�bora, en efecto, no se pudo contener, y empez� a tragarse a su cliente. Record� de repente, sin embargo, lo que le hab�a dicho su amiga, y lo regurgit�.
Sale a la luz el conejo, todo empapado, lleno de confusi�n, aturrullado, y exclama:
“�Carajo, s� as� estuvo la besadita, c�mo ir� a estar la fornicada!�
Un hombre nota que est� perdiendo la memoria y su mujer le dice:
“No te preocupes, preg�ntale al vecino del primero. Le ocurr�a lo mismo, y fue a un m�dico muy bueno que le resolvi� el problema.”
El hombre va a verlo y le pregunta; el vecino le contesta que es cierto. El desmemoriado dice:
“�Y C�mo se llama ese m�dico?”
“El m�dico… s�… lo tengo en la punta de la lengua… el m�dico… Eh… �C�mo se llama esa virgen que est� en Francia que hace milagros?”
“�Lourdes?”
“�Eso! �Lourdes! �Cari�o, c�mo se llama el m�dico ese de la memoria?
A woman was in court for shop lifting a tin of peaches. The judge said: “You will do a year in prison for each peach in the tin.” Her husband got up and said; “She stole a tin of beans as well.”
Yo mamma is so fat she has her name on the richter scale
yo mamma is so fat when she got bummed she shit the guy out next day