In front of a New Hampshire car wash:
“If you can’t read this, it’s time to wash your car.”
Author: admin
fine
Girl your so fine i wish i could plant you and have a whole bunch of yall
Mother In Law
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.”Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”
How to kill a blonde
Q: How do you kill a dumb blonde?
A: Put a scratch n’ sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.
Una secretaria llega a la
Una secretaria llega a la oficina de su jefe corriendo desde la calle y le avisa:
“�Se�or, le acaban de robar el carro!”
“�Caramba! �Y usted vio la cara del ladr�n?”
“No, se�or, no me dio tiempo. Yo estaba anotando el n�mero de la placa”.
Question and answer
Q: Why do men like smart women?A: Opposites attract.
Somebody flunked elf school…
5-year-old Nicholas was sitting on a department store Santa’s lap and told him, “My name’s the same as yours.”
Santa’s helper blows his cover when he says, “Well, hello, Harold!”
Out Hunting for Cougars (Think of the Punchline…)
Two good Montana buddies were out hunting for a cougar that was killing their sheep. They staked out an area of the woods near their fields, and waited. After a while, sure enough, there came the cougar. They patiently waited until it was close, and then they both jumped up and shot it at the same time. They couldn’t tell whose bullet had taken the cougar’s life! They decided to share the credit, and also to have the cougar stuffed, and they decided to take turns keeping the stuffed cougar. However, this arrangement turned out not to be to their liking. Instead, they decided to divide the stuffed cougar in two, and flip a coin for who would get which end. Bill lost, and ended up with a mounted trophy of the cougar’s rear.
So even though shooting the cougar was a great sporting victory, Bill thought, … it was nothing but a catastrophe.
What heaven’s really like
A guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter isues him a white robe,
a harp, and his very own cloud to float around on. The guy
thinks this is great. One day he sees another cloud float by.
The guy on that cloud has a gorgeous, naked woman and a keg of
beer with him. The guy finds St. Peter and complains to him.
“How come this guy gets a gorgeous babe and keg of beer, when
all I got is this white robe and a lousy harp? St. Peter says,
“I know just who you’re talking about. He’s being punished.” The
guy can’t beleive what he’s hearing. “How can that be?” He asks.
“Well,” says St. Peter, “The keg has a hole in it, and the girl
doesn’t.”
Rudolph the red nose reindeer
A russian couple are walking in russia and the man says i have just felt a spot of rain on my nose and the lady says it isnt rain its snow they start a arguement about if it was raining or snowing a russian guard comes and the man says comrade rudolph is it raining or snowing comrade rudolph says it is raining the lady continues to argue and the man says rudolph the red knows rain dear.
Company Trucks
The following are ways to detirmine whether a truck is company owned:
1. Company trucks travel faster in all gears.
2. They accelerate much faster than personal trucks, leaving tire marks on pavement.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance, leaving more tire marks.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private trucks.
5. Company trucks normally require oil changes at 100,000 mile intervals.
6. Their floors are shaped like ash trays, and accommodate milk cartons, coke bottles, leftover food, and paper wrappers.
7. They can be driven 100 miles or more with the oil pressure light flashing.
8. They are adapted to allow the transmission to be shifted into reverse while going forward at 20 mph.
9. Their tire walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
10. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning the radio volume up.
11. Company trucks are not designed to be washed or waxed or to retain hubcaps.
12. All company trucks have many dents in the body, inflicted by a mysterious person called “not me”.
Penicillin
Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin.