Author: admin

How you feeling?

Posted on by admin

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,”‘ asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’.”

Farmer Joe said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine.

Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.” He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?

Una vez que los espermatozoides

Posted on by admin

Una vez que los espermatozoides son depositados, uno de ellos se coloca al frente y le informa a los dem�s:

“Bueno compa�eros, la carrera consiste en llegar primero al �vulo. A la cuenta de tres salimos corriendo”.

En eso estaban, cuando de repente, el l�der del grupo se detiene y gritando dice:

“Alto compa�eros, hemos sido vilmente enga�ados, vamos culo arriba”.

Drug used to seduce men

Posted on by admin

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs:

Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There
is a drug called “beer” that is essentially in liquid form.

The most effective varieties are being shipped in from other countries. Female
sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them
are now using �Beer�.

The shocking statistic is that this “beer” is available virtually anywhere!
All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the
guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless
against such attacks. Please! Forward this to every man you know… There is
safety in numbers…

Bunch of Redneck Riddles

Posted on by admin

Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?A: She can’t touch it till she’s fourteen!Q: What’s the difference between a good ol’ boy and a redneck?A: The good ol’ boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.Q: How do you know when your staying in an Arkansas hotel?A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead.”Q: How can you tell if a redneck is married?A: There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.Q: Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?A: They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!Q: What do they call “Hee Haw” in Arkansas?A: A documentary.Q: What do they call it in Kentucky?A: “Life Styles of the Rich and Famous.”Q: How many rednecks does it take eat a ‘possum?A: Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

A couple was honeymooning in Daytona Beach….

Posted on by admin

A couple was honeymooning in Daytona Beach. The manager of the motel
noticed the new groom fishing all day and night on the first day of their
stay. The second day came and the new groom was again fishing all day and
night. This ritual was repeated on the third and fourth day and night.

The manager could not take anymore. He went up to the new groom and said,
“You just got married. How come you’re not up there making love to your
new wife?”

The new groom said, “I can’t….. She has gonnoreah.”

The manager said, “Well …..she what about her mouth?” To which the
groom answered, “Nope …She has pyoreah.”

The manager scratches his head and says, “Her ass?”

The groom replies, “No way ….she has diareah!”

The manager says, “Well, let me ask you….if this bitch has so much wrong
with her, why did you marry her?”

To which the groom smiles and says, “Well she has worms too and I love to
fish day and night.”

The Top 13 Signs You Won’t be Named Homecoming King or Queen

Posted on by admin

13. The Homecoming Queen Mum won’t abdicate or die.

12. Despite the fact that you confessed, and that some portions of the school weren’t badly burned, the principal has vindictively removed you from the running.

11. Too busy visiting your homeroom teacher and your new baby at the prison hospital to attend the festivities.

10. Classmates still sore about you opening fire on them in the cafeteria.

9. You managed to garner the support of the President of the United States, but those AV club bastards caught you doing it and sent the tape to Ken Starr.

8. Too busy helping with the local Star Trek convention to think about anything else.

7. Your big pep rally speech, “Football should be abolished because it distracts us from our studies,” seemed like a progressive idea at the time.

6. One word: pus

5. When you and the janitor are on a first-name basis, you ain’t gonna be no homecoming anything, protractor-boy.

4. You were already elected Homecoming Ho.

3. Your scrawny neck barely supports your bulbous head, and the added weight of the crown would no doubt snap it like a dry twig.

2. School name: Eldridge Cleaver High Your name: Mark Fuhrman, Jr.

1. Your loss in the all-night Dungeons & Dragons marathon for the “Championship of the Cosmos” means that you have to vote for your friend, Marvin.