How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you!
Author: admin
Moldy unit
Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal.
A man with no arms in his sleeves comes up to him and says “Hey, can you give me a hand?”.
Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help the man. He unzips the man’s pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy.
Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man’s moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.
“Hey, thanks a lot man.” The man says
“No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?”
Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says “I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell ain’t gonna touch it!”
Mike Tyson's Com
Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson Computer? It has two bytes and no memory.
the man who broke down in his van
a man is driving along the highway in his van when he suddenly
hears a
“tttttttttssssss!” sound.
He pulls over and gets out of his van to see what the sound
was,he sees his tyre is flat so he gets the jack and starts
cranking up the wheel when a man comes from nowhere and smashes
his window and steals his radio.
The man with the burst tyre says”WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU
ARE DOING?”
The other man replys “well if your having the tyres i’m having
the radio”
Special Olympics
What’s better than winning the special olympics?
Walking
Road Jokes
How come the chicken crossed the road? Answer: To get to the otherside …
Money isn’t …
Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Nice Research
Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study.
The Poles didn’t really trust the U.S. or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete. The Polish study came to the conclusion that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.
Chelsea’s room in the White House
One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, “Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!”Yes Sir, Mr. President,” the interior decorator replies. “I’ll take those mirrors out right away!”
After the honeymoon
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back,
the bride immediately called her mother.
“Well, how was the honeymoon?” asked the mother.
“Oh mamma!” she exclaimed. “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!” No
sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. “But mamma . . . as
soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He’s been
saying things I’ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You’ve
got to come get me and take me home… please mamma!”
“Now Sarah . . .” her mother answered. “Calm down! Tell me, what could be so
awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, mamma.� wept the daughter. “I’m so
embarrassed! They’re just too awful! You’ve got to come get me and take me
home… please mamma!”
“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . . Tell your mother
these horrible 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride replied, “Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash,
iron, and cook!”
A Round of Golf
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.” Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales, also. What do you sell?”
She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.” “No, I won’t.”
“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.”
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, “See I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!”
The Top 15 Computer Nerd Alcoholic Beverages
15> Pasty White Russian14> ASCII Sour13> Seagram’s Seven of Nine12> Harvey Codebanger11> Slow Comfortable Download Against the Firewall10> Chat Room on the Beach 9> Dotcomikaze 8> Blue Daiquiri Of Death 7> Anything, as long as there’s a Mountain Dew chaser. 6> Screamin’ Klingon 5> SCSI Navel 4> Rum and Jolt 3> Your Company on the Rocks 2> Sloe Porn Download 1> Sex in Your Dreams [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]