Author: admin

The Jewish CIA

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President Bush, newly elected, calls in the head of the CIA and
asks, “How come the Jews know everything before WE do?”

The CIA chief says, “It’s because the Jews have this expression,
‘Vus Tutzuch? (What’s doing?)’ They just ask each other and they
know everything! “

George Bush says that he has to see it to believe it, and he
wants to personally go undercover.

He gets dressed up (the hat, beard, etc…) as an orthodox Jew
and is secretly flown under radar in an unmarked plane to New
York, where he is picked up in an unmarked car and dropped off
in Brooklyn’s most Jewish neighborhood.

Soon this little old Jewish man comes shuffling along and George
whispers to him, “Vus Tutzuch?”

The old guy whispers back, “Did you hear President Bush is in
Brooklyn ?”

The Father’s "Key to Heaven"

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It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath, the older nun
which normally assisted in this task was a little under the
weathers so she instructed Sister Magdalene, a young nun on how
to prepare the bath water and towels. Sister Magdalene was also
instructed not to look at Father John’s nakedness if she could
help it, do whatever she’s told to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asks the sister how the bath had
gone. “Oh sister,” said the young nun dreamily, “I’ve been
saved!”

“Saved? How did that come about?” asked the old nun.

“Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to
wash him. And while I was washing him, he guided my hand down
between his legs where he said the lord keeps the key to
heaven.”

“Did he now–” the old nun said.

Sister Magdalene continued, “And, Father John said that if the
key to heaven fit my lock, the portals of heaven would open to
me, and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And
then Father John guided his key to heaven into my lock.”

“Is that a fact?” said the old nun.

“At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said that the
pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God
would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so
good being saved.”

“That wicked old devil!” said the old nun, “He told me it was
Gabriel’s Horn, and I’ve been blowing it these past forty years!”

The Lord Provides

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Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. “No, thank you,” Mrs. Watkins replied. “The Lord will provide.” The men shrugged and rowed on.By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. “Don’t trouble yourself,” she told him. “The Lord will provide.”Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, “The Lord will provide.”So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. “What happened?” she cried.”For cryin’ out loud, lady,” God said, “I sent three boats!”

Mighty mouse

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Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night
trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a
scotch, gulps it down, and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second
mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my
foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times
to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese.”

The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down, and nearly
breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, “Yeah,
well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it
into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz
going for the rest of the day.”

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third
mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, “I don’t have time for
this BS. I gotta go home and screw the cat.”

What kind of honeymoon?

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There was a man and a woman that just got married. And the
wife asked ” We have to have a honeymoon.” Then
The husband said “When?” Then the wife said ” I am busy on all
the days of the week, exept for Friday; lets do
it on Friday!” “No! I go fishing with my freinds on Friday, OK,
wether
you #1: We have the honeymoon fishing with my freinds,
#2: You suck my Dick or #3: I fuck you in the ass. Then the
wife thought about it and chose #2. So she gets into
the postion and then said ” Eeeeewwww! Why does your Dick smell
so bad?” Then the husband said ” A dog chose
#3.”