A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, “Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?”
The father answered immediately, “I don’t know. Nobody has lived that long yet.”
Author: admin
How Many Men to Open
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you!
Chinese virgins
Who are the three most famous Chinese virgins?
“Tu Yung Tu,” “Tu Dum Tu” and “No Yen Tu!”
Ethnic
Why did God make niggers stink? So blind people can hate them too.
the man who broke down in his van
a man is driving along the highway in his van when he suddenly
hears a
“tttttttttssssss!” sound.
He pulls over and gets out of his van to see what the sound
was,he sees his tyre is flat so he gets the jack and starts
cranking up the wheel when a man comes from nowhere and smashes
his window and steals his radio.
The man with the burst tyre says”WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU
ARE DOING?”
The other man replys “well if your having the tyres i’m having
the radio”
Infrequently…
An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly.
“Well,” she said, responding very carefully, “I’d have to say I would like it infrequently.”
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking at her over his glasses, he gazed into her eyes, asking optimistically, “Was that one word or two?”
Dont step on a green cloud!
There where three girls, Kim, Leia, and Sarah. They where all in
a car accident. They all lined up at the gate to heaven. The guy
at the gate says,”Dont step on a green cloud.” So one day Sarah
and Kim were sun-bathing. Leia comes back with a really ugly guy
and says,”Dont step on a green cloud.” The next day Leia and
Sarah were sun-bathing. Kim comes back with a really ugly guy
and says,”Don’t step on a green cloud.” One day Leia and Kim
were sun-bathing. Sarah comes back with a really hot guy. The
guy says,”Don’t step on a green cloud!”
After the honeymoon
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back,
the bride immediately called her mother.
“Well, how was the honeymoon?” asked the mother.
“Oh mamma!” she exclaimed. “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!” No
sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. “But mamma . . . as
soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He’s been
saying things I’ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You’ve
got to come get me and take me home… please mamma!”
“Now Sarah . . .” her mother answered. “Calm down! Tell me, what could be so
awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, mamma.� wept the daughter. “I’m so
embarrassed! They’re just too awful! You’ve got to come get me and take me
home… please mamma!”
“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . . Tell your mother
these horrible 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride replied, “Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash,
iron, and cook!”
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.136. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it’s a magic lamp, with a genie inside it. Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
Bad car day
A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was
wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition.
“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked.
The man responded, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”
At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, “Officer,
don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.”
This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out,
“I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, “Are we
over the border yet?”
There were 8 people in a plane that was about…
There were 8 people in a plane that was about to crash and after searching the plane they only found 7 parachutes. The 8 people in the plane were Bill Clinton, Hillory Clinton, Micheal Jordan, Cindy Crawford, George Bush, Bill Gates, Osama Bin Ladin, and a little boy. Bill Clinton took a parachute and said, I am the best president America ever had I deserve to live and he jumped. Hillory Clinton took a parachute and said I’m the worlds most ambitious woman, I deserve to live and jumped. Micheal Jordan took a parachute and said I’m the worlds best basketball player I deserve to live and he jumped. Cindy Crawford took a parachute and said I’m the worlds prettiest woman I deserve to live and she jumped. George Bush took a parachute and said I’m the smartest man in the world I deserve to live and he jumped. Bill Gates took a parachute and said I’m the richest man in the world to live, I deserve to live and he jumped. Now there was only Osama Bin Ladin and the litle boy left. Osama said I’m old and have lived my life, you take the parachute I’ll die. The boy replied, no there are enough parachutes left. How asked Osama the boy replied George Bush the smartest man in the world jumped with my backpack!!!!
Nice Research
Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study.
The Poles didn’t really trust the U.S. or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete. The Polish study came to the conclusion that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.