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Jewish Fathers, Christian sons.

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A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from
his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish
faith.

To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A
year later the young man returned home. “Father, thank you for sending me
to the land of our Fathers, ” the son said. “It was wonderful and
enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to
Christianity.” “Oi vey,” replied the father, “what have I done?”

So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and
sought his advice and solace. “It is amazing that you should come to me,”
stated his friend, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a
Christian.”

So in the traditions of the Patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. “It is
amazing that you should come to me,” stated the Rabbi, “I too sent my son
to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons?”
Brothers, we must take this to God,” said the Rabbi. They fell to their
knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty.

As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, “Amazing
that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel.”

Blonde painting

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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

A new twist to the three pigs

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.She read, “…and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, “Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?”One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said “‘Holy S***! A talking pig!'”The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Worried

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“I’m worried,” said the woman to her sex therapist. “I happened to find my daughter and the little boy next door both naked and examining each other’s bodies.”

“That’s not unusual,” smiled the therapist. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“But I am worried, doctor,” insisted the woman, “and so is my daughter’s husband!”

The Obituary of the Pillsbury Doughboy

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It is with the saddest heart i pass on the following:Please join me in remembering a great icon – the veteran Pillbury spokesman. The Pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess twinkies,

and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours.As long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very “smart” cookie, wasting much of his dough on halfbaked schemes. Despite being being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millons.

Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart. Doughboyis surved by his wife, Play Dough; two chidren,

John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty.

Pick in hand

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Two little girls playing with a ball in the garden. The ball rolls under a nearby bush so one of the little girls crawls under to get it out. Unfortunately it’s a thorn bush, so she gets a thorn stuck in her finger. Crying, she runs indoors shouting “Mummy Mummy, I’ve got a thorn in my finger – get some apple juice!”

Mum says: “But why do you want apple juice – wouldn’t a bandage be nicer?”

And the little girl says : “Well, I was playing with Rosie, and her big sister says that whenever she gets a prick in her hand she puts it in cider.”