Yours Fun Portal !
A man walking aroud town talking about hea pimp he gonehit you fromthe back front and every way in the book a hoe name amen say me at my house tonight she look at his dick and say nigga please that mini hoydog ant shit you haveto have some thing and round for me
thats what yall can sat to lil dick man.
yo mamma so old she was on the money that Moses had
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in
Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their Cows to increase
their herd.
The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and Goes to Texas to buy
a bull. She eventually meets with an old Cowboy that will sell her a bull. “It’s
the only one I’ve got for $599, take it or leave it.” She buys the bull and goes
to The local telegram office and says, “I’d like to send a Telegram to my friend
in Louisiana. That says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the
Trailer.”
The man behind the counter tells her, “Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. is
$.75 per word.”
She thinks about it for a moment and decides.
“I’d like to send one word, please.”
“And what word would that be?” inquires the man.
“Comfortable.” replies the brunette. The man asks, “I’m
Sorry miss, but how is your friend going to understand this Telegram?”
The brunette replies, “My friend is blonde and reads real slow, when she gets
this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL.”
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands.”
The second can’t stand to be bested. “Why that’s nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I’m still here today.”
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and *splat!*… he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants.
When the housewife came to the door, said he, “Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off….”
“Not so fast”, says she. “How do you know it was our cat?
Could you describe him? What does he look like?”
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said…
“He looks like thts”as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
“Oh no, you *horrible* man”, she replied.
“I meant, what did he look like *before* you hit him?”
The man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed “Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!”
there were 2 doctors talking about their patients today. one doctor said,”did you hear about the boy that was born with thre knees?””no”the other doctor replied”who was it?””well who was it the other doctor repeated””well….i dont know who it was but he was born with a right knee, a left knee, and a wee-knee”
What do you call to black guys in a sleepinbag
Twix
u guys all suck the cock
A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his.
So he sits down with his friend and tells him, ”Friend, I got a dilemma.”
The friend asks him, ”What’s the problem?”
He says, ”Well, I went on my honeymoon and I was excited because I would make love to her for the first time.”
And the friend asks, ”So what is the problem?”
”Let me finish,” says the friend. ”when the time came, my wife took out her orthopaedic leg, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her arm, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her eye, and finally took off her hair and put them both in the closet.”
”Wow,” says his friend, ”and what seems to be the dilemma?”
”Well,” says the guy, ”I don’t know if I should make love to her on the bed or in the closet.”
Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Curtis
20 Things Guys Think Girls Should Know
1. We’re not a bunch of barbarians as you think we all are.
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a jerk.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don’t argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don’t treat us like garbage – what goes around comes around.
6. We know you’re pretty, that’s one of the reason’s we’re going out with you.
7. If you really liked us for who we are, you would let us believe that our mustache, beard, or sideburns look cool.
8. We never shave our legs. So Get over it.
9. NEVER ask us if you can put make up on us. It’s just wrong.
10. When we tell you that you’re not fat, believe us.
11. We absolutely do not care about The Backstreet Boys, ‘NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
12. Just cause you think you’re always right, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to apologize when you do something wrong.
13. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
14. We can’t always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
15. Don’t ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.
16. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
17. If you want us to put the seat down when we’re done, you should put it up when you’re done.
18. Don’t tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn’t turn us on.
19. Always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.
20. We know you’re not always right, but we’ll pretend like you are anyway.
IF YOU SEND THIS TO:
0-5 people: you will have bad luck
6-10 people: your crush will notice you
10-15 people: your crush will kiss you
15+ people: your crush will fall in love with you!
One night this boy named jacob had brung a girl over named jessica. jacob had a brother the two brothers slept in bunck beds the smaller boy slept on the bottom.jessica and jacob both wanted to have sex but didnt want the little boy to know.so,jacob said to jessica to say lettuce if she wants it harder and tamato if she wants it softer.All you could here was “lettuce,tomato,lettuce,tomato,lettuce,tomato!”
the little boy at the bottom of the bunck said”stop making sandwitchs your getting mayonase all over me!”.
The other day I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling
particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir
performance followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and
put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that
followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord, and how good He is… and I didn’t notice that the light
had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t
honked, I’d never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why,
while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and
then he leaned out of his window and screamed, “For the love of GOD! GO, GO!!
Jesus Christ, GO!!” What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone
started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling
at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the
love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a “sunny beach”…I saw another guy waving in a funny
way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage son
what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or
something. Well, I’ve never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign back. My son burst out laughing…why even HE
was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up
in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking
towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed, so I waved one more time to my loving
brothers and sisters, grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed
I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed
again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them all after all the love we
had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all
the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for
such wonderful folks.