Author: admin

Your cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back!

Jaimito escribe una carta en Navidad:

“Querido ni�o Jes�s:

Este a�o me he portado muy pero muy bien y espero que en Navidad me dejes una bicicleta junto al arbolito.

Atentamente Jaimito”.

Al dirigirse a dejar la carta, junto al pesebre vi� el rostro de la Virgen Mar�a que lo miraba fijamente. Arrepentido, rompi� la carta y escribi� una nueva:

“Querido ni�o Jes�s:

Este a�o me he portado bien y espero que me traigas una bicicleta y la dejes junto al �rbol de Navidad.

Atentamente Jaimito”.

Nuevamente se dirige al pesebre y siente la mirada de la Virgen Mar�a; duda un momento y rompe la carta, para escribir otra nueva:

“Querido ni�o Jes�s:

Este a�o no me he portado muy bien, pero si me traes una bicicleta prometo que el pr�ximo s� lo har�.

Atentamente Jaimito”.

Se dirige al pesebre y nuevamente siente que la Virgen Mar�a lo observa; se detiene y piensa un segundo; toma la carta; la rompe; toma la figura de la Virgen Mar�a; la encierra en el ropero y escribe:

“Jes�s:

Tengo a tu madre. Si quieres volver a verla, d�jame una bicicleta junto al �rbol esta Navidad”.

Yo momma is so poor, I saw her walking down the street with only one shoe, and
I asked her if she lost her other shoe and she said, “No, I found one!”

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.

The old woman said, “We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon.”
“Uh huh,” said the old man.

“We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon,” said the old woman.
“Uh huh,” said the old man.

“And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon,” said the oldwoman.
“That’s right,” said the old man, “except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry,
‘It’s too big, it’s too big!'”

Forest Gump Goes to Heaven…

The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint Peter says, “Well, Forest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.” “I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”

Forest responds, “It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this.” “Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”

Saint Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forest.” “But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?” “Second, how many seconds are there in a year?” “Third, what is God’s first name?”

Forest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.

Saint Peter waves him up and asks, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”

Forest says, “Well, the first one, -how many days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?” “Shucks, that one’s easy; that’d be Today and Tomorrow!” The saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forest! That’s not what I was thinking, but … you do have a point though, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I give you credit for that answer.”

“How about the next one” says Saint Peter, “how many seconds in a year?”

“Now that one’s harder,” says Forest. “But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”

Astounded, Saint Peter says, “Twelve!” “Twelve!” “Forest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”

Forest says, “Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second…..” “Hold it,” interrupts Saint Peter. “I see where you’re going with it.” “And I guess I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind.” “I’ll give you credit for that one too.”

“Let’s go on with the next and final question,” says Saint Peter, “Can you tell me God’s first name?”

Forest says, “Well shore, I know God’s first name.” “Everbody probly knows it.” “It’s Howard.”

“Howard?” asks Saint Peter. “What makes you think it’s ‘Howard’?”

Forest answers, “It’s in the prayer.”

“The prayer?” asks Saint Peter, “Which prayer?”

“The Lord’s Prayer,” responds Forest: “Our Father, Howard be thy name….”