The New CEO

A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new
boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the
facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers
and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO, walks up the guy and asks – �and how much money do you make a week?�

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, �I make $200.00 a
week. Why?�

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams – �here�s a week�s pay,
now GET OUT and don�t come back!�
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and
asks – �does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?�

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters – �That was the Pizza
delivery guy�.

Lawers in contempt

> > > A small town prosecuting attorney called his first > > > witness to the stand in > > > a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He > > > approached her and asked, “Ms. > > > Jones, do you know me? > > > “She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. > > > Williams. I’ve known you since > > > you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big > > > disappointment to me. > > > You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate > > > people and talk about > > > them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising > > > big shot when you > > > haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount > > > to anything more than a > > > two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” > > > > > > The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, > > > he pointed across the > > > room and asked, “Ms. Williams, do you know the > > > defense attorney?” She > > > again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. > > > Bradley since he was a > > > youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his > > > parents. And he, too, has > > > been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, > > > bigoted, and has a > > > drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal > > > relationship with anyone and > > > his law practice is one of the worst in the entire > > > state. Not to mention he > > > cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, > > > I know him.” The > > > defense attorney was also surprised and shocked. > > > > > > At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to > > > silence and called both > > > counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he > > > said with menace, “If > > > either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, > > > you’ll be jailed for > > > contempt!”

The Mummy!

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

“I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right about the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?”

“Simple…there was a piece of paper in his hand that said –
put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath’.”

�Qu� dicen las mujeres, seg�n

�Qu� dicen las mujeres, seg�n su nacionalidad, despu�s de hacer el amor?

La Argentina: “�Che! Eres un Dios.”

La Cubana: “Cosa m�s grande, caballero.”

La Gringa: “MMmmmmm… Sorry… �What�s your name?”

La Italiana: “��Ma� que cosa!!”

La Mexicana: “�Te juro que es la primera vez, no vayas a creer que soy as�!”

Un par de amigas caminaban

Un par de amigas caminaban solas a altas horas de la noche por un barrio temible, cuando de pronto sienten a lo lejos unos pasos apresurados detras de ellas.

Las dos amigas asustadas deciden apresurar el paso y no se detienen para nada… hasta que llegan a un callej�n sin salida.

De repente en la oscuridad ven al tipo que las persigue acercarse con baba en la boca; y una de ellas le grita alocadamente ante la inminencia de un ataque brutal:

“��Qu� chucha quieres?!”

El violador contesta:

“!AH, PUEDO ESCOGER!”