Yours Fun Portal !
A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night.
All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door.
After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, “Who are you? What do you want?”
“I’m staying here!”
“Stay there, then,” she retorted, and slammed the window shut!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
There were four vets sitting around a camp fire sharing war
stories. A Blue Angle, A Navy Seal, Marine Forest Recon, and an
Army Ranger.
The Blue Angle spoke up and said “I was in a dog fight and I
downed six of thoes bastards with out even taking a hit.”
The Navy Seal stood up and said “I jumped off the front of an
aircraft carrier with only a knife in my teeth and sank two
submarines.”
The Army Ranger then said “I jumped behind enemy lines with 200
rounds and killed 300 of the enemy.”
The Marine didn’t say anything he just looked at the other three
and stired the fire with his dick.
You’re a redneck if…. You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.
1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
2. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.
3. You find humor in other peoples stupidity.
4. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac
5. Your idea of comforting a child is to place him in a papoose restraint.
6. You believe that “shallow gene pool” should be a diagnosis.
7. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
8. You believe Chocolate is a food group.
9. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,”Boy, it sure is quiet around here.
10. When you’re out in public and you compliment a stranger on their great veins.
11. You have ever referred to someone’s death as a transfer to the eternal care center.
12. You hate working nights with a full moon.
13. You don’t think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is appropriate for this patient.
14. You have wanted to give a seminar on “SUICIDE” Doing it right the first time.
15. You have had to leave a pt’s room before you laugh uncontrollably.
16. You think coffee should be available in IV form.
17. You have ever restrained someone and it was NOT a sexual experience.
18. You believe that “too stupid to live” should be a diagnosis.
19. If you have ever referred to a Paramedic as a “Shit magnate”.
20. You believe that the waiting room should have Valium Salt Licks.
21. You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the lab.
22. When ordering labs, the Doctor wants to order a “dumb shit” lab.
23. When you mention vegetable you aren’t talking about the food group.
24. You are totally astounded when someone from the lab speaks English.
25. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you say, “No, I don’t have to be worried about birth control… I’ve been irradiated.”
26. Your patient states, “I have no idea how that got stuck up there.”
27. You have your weekends all marked and planned for the year.
28. You encourage an obnoxious person to sign an AMA just so you don’t have to deal with them anymore.
29. You use your status to get out of a speeding ticket.
30. You use the word GOMER in a sentence more than once a shift.
31. You have ever bet on someones blood alcohol level.
32. You threaten to use “the hose” if your patient won’t give a urine sample.
33. After someone tells you how many drinks they’ve had, you ask: “How big were those drinks.”
yo mommas so fat that when she wore a yellow raincoat, people yelled out taxi
Your mama’s so fat she uses the freeway for a slip and slide.
Did you hear about the Irish shoe shop?
Buy 1 shoe and get the other 1 free!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
* Knock-knock!
* Who’s there?
* Doris
* Doris who?
* Doris locked, that’s why I had to knock!
Especially hrony one night, Mark rolled over and nuzzled his wife.
“How about it, honey…?” he asked tenderly.
“Oh, Mark, I’ve got an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow,” said his wife, going on to explain that the doctor had requested that she abstain from intercourse for twenty-four hours before an appointment.
Sam signed deeply and turned over to his side of the bed. A few minutes later he rolled back and asked hopefully, “You don’t have a dentist appointment too, do you?”
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, “I can’t find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it’s due to drinking.””In that case,” said the patient, “I’ll come back when you’re sober”
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like father!”
Her mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Man: “How’s your history paper coming?”Woman: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful. Man: “Really?”Woman: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”